Leave me alone already

I rushed home and showered. I must have tried on 20 different outfits – one too sexy for a night in, another not sexy enough. I finally settled on my favorite pair of jeans and a low cut black tee. I had gained a little weight and it seemed like most of it had gone to my boobs. I knew they were looking good so I figured I might as well show them off.

I tried to convince myself that tonight was just going to be a casual movie night with my friend, but the butterflies in my stomach told me otherwise. I felt like I was about to go on a first date. I shook the feeling off and continued to get ready.

It was after 7 by the time I finished getting ready and still no Ben. I checked my watch again and shifted around on the couch. I was afraid that he had changed his mind. Maybe Gina and him had got back together. Or maybe he got in an accident on the way over. Or couldn’t find a movie.

But in the back of my head I was thinking that maybe he realized I wasn’t worth it. That I wasn’t good enough for him. The same way every other guy in my life, including my father, had decided that I wasn’t worth the time, wasn’t good enough for him. The knock on my door shook me out of my worrying. I hopped up and practically skipped to the door.

“I’m so glad you made it,” I said a little too eagerly as I swung the door open. The butterflies fluttered even harder when I saw who stood in front of me.

Secret Admirer

I managed to avoid him most of the day. But right before time to go I received a huge delivery of flowers. I panicked thinking that Ben had sent them and didn’t know what I would say or do. Luckily, I wouldn’t have to figure it out.
We can be happy again. I still love you. Dinner tonight? Brad.

Just then Ben came popping into my cubicle at the worst possible time. I threw down the card and tried to push some papers over it and block the flowers. He pushed past me and grabbed the card and read it.

“Please tell me you’re not going to have dinner with that jerk.”

“I don’t know.” It was true. I hadn’t decided it yet. While my head told me I should say no my heart was screaming yes. After all, this was the man I was about to marry just a few weeks ago and despite everything that happened, the idea of being with somebody sounded a lot better than being alone. Even if I did know he wasn’t Mr. Right. Plus he was comfortable. I wouldn’t be starting over.

“You’re not going, Addy. I’m putting my foot down.”

Where did he get off telling me he was putting his foot down? He didn’t even have a say in what I did. He couldn’t put his foot down. I felt like telling him as much but I could see the determination in his face.

“Okay, I won’t go,” I said quietly.

“Damn right. And you’re spending the night with me so I can keep an eye on you.”

“That’s really not necessary…” I started.

“Oh no, it’s definitely necessary. I’ll be at your house at 7 with wine and movies.

Confessions

“We’re going to be late, you know?” He said. “You better go get ready. I’ll wait for you.”

I hurriedly threw on some clothes, some makeup to cover the red, swollen eyes and ran a comb through my hair. I didn’t look the greatest but at least it was an improvement. We were out the door ten minutes later and pulled into the office parking lot only about five minutes after eight. Not too bad for the morning I had. I started to reach for the handle and get out and Ben grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

“Um,” he started. “Should we talk about what happened?”

“What did happen? I’m not sure I know.”

“I’m attracted to you, Addy. I always have been. Brad just always stood in the way.”

“And Gina. What about Gina? I don’t want to be the other woman. I can’t be. I know how much that hurts.”

“Gina moved out.”
“When?”

“About two weeks ago. It wasn’t working. It hadn’t been for awhile. She knew I had feelings for you. I guess I wasn’t that good at hiding them.”

“I never knew.”

“Well, I guess I was better than I thought then.”

“I don’t know, Ben.”

“If I was any good?”

“No. If we should talk about what happened. Let’s just leave it at it happened and play it by ear.”

“I don’t want to play it by ear. I want you to give me a chance. I want to be with you, Addy.”

“We’re late.” I opened the door and practically hurdled out of the car and into the office. I turned around once I came into the front door to see if Ben was behind me but he wasn’t. He was just getting out of the car looking defeated. I hated seeing that look on his face – one I had caused but I just couldn’t deal with this right now. I was too much of a wreck to think about what he had asked.

Tempting Fate

I don’t know how long I had been crying before I heard another knock at the door. I stood up and swung the door open.

“What?”

Ben stood in front of me looking just as handsome as he had the night before but troubled and very tired.

“Addy, what is going on? You’re not ready? Is everything okay? You look like you’ve been crying?”

This time I collapsed in his arms. I was surprised that I still had tears to cry. He held me for what felt like the longest time before he pulled back.

“What’s going on? Why are you so sad? Is this because of…”

“Brad was here.”

“What?” I could tell by the tone of his voice he was angry. “What the hell was that bastard doing here? Where is he? I’ll kick his ass.”

“He’s gone. He left.”
“What was he doing here?”

“He was here last night when you dropped me off?”

“And he just left? What the hell happened?” Now he looked really pissed.

I started from last night and told him the whole story – how I had blacked out and woke up this morning and he was in my bed all sweet and acting like we were back together. And then The Devil showed up and he kicked her out and then I had kicked him out but I knew he wasn’t going to give up that easily. I felt so depleted. Like I had lost my last friend and I knew I looked a wreck.



“I must look terrible,” I said straightening my hair trying to make myself look somewhat presentable. The swollen red eyes didn’t help anything. I looked down at my feet.

Ben grabbed my chin and pulled my face up to look at him. He smiled. “You look great. Always do.”

We both stood there for a second looking into each other’s eyes before he leaned down and kissed me once again sending chills down my spine. He stopped and ran his hands down my arms grabbing my hands and lacing his fingers through mine.

The Waterworks Begin

Brad reached for me but I pushed his hand away, jumped up and ran for the bathroom. I puked until there was nothing left to puke. I was certain I looked like a mess and felt like one too. I mustered up the strength to head into the kitchen where Brad had fixed me a couple slices of toast and set out a glass of orange juice.

“I thought this would make you feel better.”

“You know what would make me feel better?” I asked. “You getting the hell out of my house. NOW.”

He started to say something.

“I mean it. NOW.”

“But I thought...”

“You thought wrong. Get out.” By now my voice was shaking but I remained firm. I wanted him to know that I wasn’t going to change my mind on this. I thought he was going to say something but he didn’t. He gathered his stuff and headed to the door.

“I guess I’ll call you later?”

“Don’t bother.”

“I’ll call you later,” he reaffirmed and then he was gone. Once again I collapsed in a heap against the door and I cried. Really cried. I cried until there wasn’t any tears left to cry. I had screwed up. Once again. And there was no one to blame but myself.

Mark One Up For Me

Brad headed toward the door while I got out of bed and threw on a robe. I heard some commotion going on the living room and headed out to see who was at the door. I swung open the bedroom door and froze. The Devil in Fake Prada. Shit. She was yelling at Brad and didn’t seem to see me at first. But when she did all hell broke loose.

“You stupid slut.”

“Who you calling a slut? I believe you’re the one who’s been cheating with MY fiancé.” I drew out the fiancé just to add a little extra sting.

“EX-fiance,” I had to admit that stung a little. “He left you. He’s with me now. You couldn’t handle it. You man-stealing slut. You’re not going to win. He loves me. He’s coming back to me.”

I sauntered over. My hangover had subsided and I was ready to cause a little trouble. I slung my arm over Brad and let a mischievous smile spread across my face.

“I believe it was me who won last night, all night long. Now wasn’t it, Brad. And I believe it was just a few minutes ago you were telling me how much you loved me.”

“You bitch!” I saw her hand coming toward my face but couldn’t react fast enough. The next thing I know was her hand was stopped directly in my face. Brad had grabbed her wrist and stopped the blow. He spoke calmly and turned to her.

“Missy, I think you need to leave. Addy and I…” He paused. “We’re back together. Right, baby?”

I bottled up all my anger and hatefulness and smiled. “That sure is, sweetie. We just loved each other too much to stay away. One little MISTAKE couldn’t keep us apart.” He wrapped his arm around me and a chill ran through my body. I shook it off. “I think it’s time you leave my property before I call the police.” I opened the door and pointed the way out.

“This isn’t over. You haven’t won.” She said. “He’s going to come back to me. He loves me. I know he does.”
“You’re right. It isn’t over.” I shoved her out the door and slammed the door in her face. I fell back against the door and slid to the ground wrapping my hands around my stomach. I felt sick. Seriously sick.

Regrets

I woke up the next morning with a massive hangover. I should have seen this one coming as much as I had drank the night before. It had been awhile since I’d had a hangover of this magnitude and now I realized why.

I stretched my arms my eyes still mostly closed. The house was drafty and I wasn’t ready to get up yet. I rolled over to my left to cuddle up to my pillow. I reached out and struck something warm. My eyelids slowly creeped open. I gasped.

“Hello, beautiful.”

“Shit.”

“Well, good morning to you too.”

I curled up in a ball and could feel the tears making their way to the forefront. I flipped over refusing to let him see me cry. He curled up to me and wrapped his arms around me.

“I think this is just what both of us needed to put the past behind us and start fresh.”

I bit my tongue afraid of the words that might come billowing out. I didn’t know how to respond to this turn of events.

“You know I love you, right?”

My head felt like it was going to explode – partly from the hangover, partly from my frustration. My heart hung low in disappointment. I had turned to the bottle and was paying the price. Years of AA meetings had taught me how tough it could be to stay away when bad things happened and how we had to stay strong and remember our sponsor. I had convinced myself that those years of my life were behind me. I hadn’t spoken to my sponsor for over a year.

“Why don’t I make us some breakfast?” Brad asked. “Some pancakes for my little buttercup?” he asked as he patted me gently on my butt.

“Why don’t you just leave?” I responded bitterly but still continuing to avoid eye contact.

He was quiet for a second as he let the words hit him. I thought that maybe he was actually going to listen for once and hit the road. But then I knew him better than that.

“Come on, baby. I know this is hard for you. You hate admitting when you are wrong and showing any weakness, but you need me. You need me just as bad as I need you.”

Just then there was a heavy knocking on the door. It didn’t stop and continued to get louder.

“Are you going to get that?” Brad asked.

“No, I’m not expecting anyone.” I turned and looked at him. “Are you?”

Stumbling

I pulled back. “What in the world are you doing?”

“We lost it.”

“You lost it. You lost it all. That’s for sure.”

“No, Addy, SHE lost it.”

“Lost what?” I was thoroughly confused. What in the world was he talking about?

“We lost the baby, Addy. She had a miscarriage. I just found out. I’ve been sitting on your front step for hours waiting for you to come home to tell you the good news.

“Good news? Good news?” I was slightly miffed. “How is a woman having a miscarriage good news? A woman carrying YOUR baby?”

“I was sad at first. I was excited to become a father. But then it hit me. I was with her because of the baby. That’s all. I thought that I had fallen for her but it was just the baby that I had fallen for. I was in love with the idea of being a father. But if there was no baby, there was no us, which meant I was free.”

I laughed. “You certainly are. I’m glad you take so much pleasure out of it.”

Brad grabbed my hands. “I’m free, baby. Free to be with you again. We can get married after all.”

“Baby? Married? I think you’re moving a little quickly here. You’re free alright, Brad. But as far as I’m concerned, you’re going to stay that way.”

I turned to walk away and stumbled a little up the front step.

“Are you drunk?” Brad asked.

“Of course not,” I said as I chuckled.

“You’re freaking drunk. How am I supposed to have a serious conversation with you when you’re drunk?”

“Oh, Brad. Any chance of us having a serious relationship went out the window when you ruined our “serious” relationship by climbing into bed with another woman. So maybe you’re the one who should be having a “serious” conversation with yourself.”

He grabbed me by the shoulder and started to help me up the steps. I didn’t want – or need – any help, especially not from him. I pushed him back and hurdled up the steps and to the door. Brad followed behind.

“If you think I’m letting you in this door, you have another thing coming. You need to hit the road, Brad.”

He started to say something but thought better of it. He knew how angry of a drunk I could be. I was the daughter of an alcoholic father and the disease didn’t strike too far from home. I had wavered on the side of an addiction when I first met Brad and he had saved me from the self-destruction that was sure to come. I guess that was one thing I could be thankful to Brad for. One of many…

Blurring the Lines

“There. Got rid of him,” Ben said. “Can we go now?”

Neither of us said a word as we walked back to the office. We didn’t even so much as look at each other until we were in the office parking lot. Ben started for his car, and I started for mine. He stopped.

“Addy.”

I turned. “Yea?”

“Maybe you should ride with me.”

What was going on here? Did Ben have a thing for me? He couldn’t. We had been friends forever. He had a girlfriend who he lived with. A girlfriend who I was friends with. But why then did he kiss me? I didn’t have time to give it much though. Ben had grabbed me by the arm and was hurrying me to his car.

“Come on. Let’s go. I’m not going to let you drive.”

“But my car…” I stumbled over the yellow line. I guess maybe I should be driving. “How will I get to work tomorrow?”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll come get you.”

We were silent the rest of the way to my place. When he pulled in front of my house, Ben started to say something but stopped. I reached for the door handle and looked back.

“Ben…”

“See you tomorrow, Addy.” Before I knew what was happening, Ben leaned over planted another big kiss on my lips, reached across me, flung open the door, pushed me out and spun off as I was left standing in the drive my mouth hung open in shock swaying a little from one too many pitchers.

“What the hell is going on here?”

I flung around and came face-to-face with Brad.

“I, uh, what…” I started. “What are you doing here?”
“What am I doing here? I guess I should ask you the same question.”

“How long have you been here?”
“Long enough to see what I just saw. Ben? Really? How long has this been going on?”

I started to tell him nothing was going on and that it was nothing. But I wasn’t so sure about that. It sure felt like something. But I couldn’t say how Ben felt. After all, he had a girlfriend who he seemed very much in love with and had never shown me one ounce of interest before tonight. I wasn’t so sure he was even showing interest tonight or just trying to get me home. I wasn’t going to let Brad know that though.

“Well, to tell you the truth, that’s absolutely none of your business.”

“You little bitch,” he said so hatefully I almost recoiled. “You were cheating all along, weren’t you? When were you planning on telling me? Or were you just going to let me take the fall for everything?”

“Oh give me a break, Brad. I don’t know why we’re even having this conversation. I tried to push by him but he stopped me.”

“Look me in the eye and tell me you weren’t cheating, Addy.”

I stared him straight in the eyes desperately trying to make him disappear. “I wasn’t cheating. This is the first time it’s ever happened.”
Relief flooded through Brad’s eyes. He pulled me toward him and wrapped his arms around me in a huge, stifling hug. He kissed my neck, kissed my cheek and moved toward my lips.

Pushed to Action

A half hour later Ben and I had managed to down three pitchers and had another on the way. It was safe to say we were both a little tipsy. A guy that I had seen there a few times before kept glancing over our way.

“I think you have an admirer,” Ben whispered in my ear.

“Not interested,” as I downed another glass.

“Too late. He’s headed this way.”

I looked over and sure enough the man was making his way to our booth.

“Hi, I’m Jon,” he said as he held his hand out to me.

I reached for the pitcher completely ignoring him.

Ben reached his hand out and shook Jon’s hand.

“I’m Ben,” he said. “This is Addy. We work across the street at Fleisher.”

“I thought I had seen you two here before. I work at McDonahue & Wilshire accounting firm down the road. Mind if I join you?”

I guess you could safely say that I had moved beyond tipsy and was quite drunk by now. I scooted over and patted the seat beside me.

“Sit on down, partner,” I giggled. “I’ll even let you buy me a drink.”

Jon ordered us another pitcher and I reached for it.

Ben grabbed my wrist before I could grab hold.

“Slow down, Addy. I think you’ve had enough.”

“Butt out, Ben. Do you think I’ve had enough, Jon?”

Jon wiggled in his seat looking uncomfortable and looked from Ben to me.

“I don’t know,” he finally said. “Looks like you’re having fun to me.”

Ben sighed. “Addy, can I talk to you? Privately.”

Jon excused himself to go to the men’s room and I glared over at Ben upset at him for sending him away. After all, he was pretty cute. Or was that just the alcohol talking?

“What the hell are you doing, Addy?”

“Just having a little fun. What’s the harm in that?”

“I think it’s time for both of us to be going,” Ben said as he stood up in the booth and grabbed my arm. I resisted. “Addy, let’s go.”

Something in the tone of his voice moved me to action. I grabbed my glass and chugged what was left and stood up. Ben led the way as I followed behind. We were almost out the door when Jon caught up with us. He grabbed my right arm and pulled me back.

“Hey, leaving already?” He asked. “I thought we were just starting to have fun.”

I giggled. Ben didn’t. “Sorry, man, we need to get going.”

Jon looked from Ben to me and back at Ben. “I’m sorry. Did I interrupt something here? I didn’t mean to interfere. Are you two like – together? I didn’t think you were. I thought I had seen you both here with other people before so I just assumed.”

“Assumed what?” Ben asked. “That we were just friends?”

At this precise moment, Ben leaned down and planted the biggest, wettest kiss on my lips. At first I started to recoil but then I stopped myself and leaned in. It was cold at first but then my whole body began to warm up and my feet began to tingle. As quickly as he started, Ben pulled away. I looked up at him my eyes wide with amazement. Jon had now turned on his heels and walked off.

Back to Life or Something Like It

aSomehow I mustered up the courage to send Brad packing. It wasn’t easy but I knew it was what I needed to do. Because at the end of the day he was going back to The Devil and I knew it. And as angry as it made me that she had won and she had got the guy, my guy; I knew it was for the best. They were having a kid together and no matter how much I loved him, I couldn’t – wouldn’t – stand in the way of that.

Brad fed me some line about how he would always love me and that he hoped we could continue to be friends. I nodded and pretended to feel the same but the only thing I hoped is that I never had to see him or his whore ever again. The fact that I knew he wasn’t “The One” didn’t make my heart hurt any less because the fact of the matter was that I was starting all over. Back at square one. I was a single again and that was the loneliest feeling in the world.

I woke up on Monday exhausted but relieved. It hadn’t been easy to hear but I felt like Brad had finally given me the closure I needed to put this who fiasco behind me and start living again. I didn’t quite feel like a new woman but I felt like a better woman.

I made the decision to pick myself off the couch and return to work. My only hope was that I had a job to return to. I even took a shower and did my hair and makeup for the first time since the almost wedding. If I was going to do this, if I was going to start over, I was going to do it with my best face forward.

I arrived at work about 15 minutes early but the office was already bustling. As I made my way to my cubicle, several people nodded or waved hello while others gave me half pity smiles. I bit my lip and smiled back. I would not be a train wreck. I would not show my weakness. I had almost made it to my cube when Amy, the secretary and queen of all things gossip crossed my path.

“Oh, Addy!” She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly. “It’s so great to see you back. We weren’t sure we would ever see you again. How are you doing?”

She was looking me over from head to toe to see if she could find any sign of weakness. Had I mismatched my socks? Were my pants wrinkled? Did my shirt have a stain? Had I been crying? I had made sure the answer to all of those questions was no.

“I’m doing great. Thanks for asking, Amy. How are you doing?” I hoped that by changing the subject she would let it rest.

“Well, I’m doing good but I didn’t just have my heart broken. Oh, Addy, it was so tragic. I don’t know how you did it.”

She had to go there. I knew she couldn’t let it rest.

“I don’t know that I would call it tragic. A blessing is really more accurate.”

Bewilderment flashed in her eyes. Why did I have to run into Amy my first day back? She was only going to dig for dirt so she could spread it around the office. Did you hear about Addy? Her fiancé left her at the altar and she was so devastated she nearly committed suicide. I heard she tried to kill herself but wasn’t even successful in that. Poor thing.

I was not going to be anyone’s poor thing. And I was not going to be the butt of office jokes and the subject of office rumors. I would set her straight right here and now.

“Oh, Addy. You know you can talk to me if you need to. I’m always right up there.” She pointed to her desk at the front of the office.

“As much as I would love to spill my life story to you, Amy, everyone knows that it would only be a matter of minutes before you had spilled it to everyone else in the office. So thanks but no thanks. If I wanted to be the subject of office whispers, I would have just called Page Six.”

Her mouth dropped and she turned in a huff. At least now she would have something to talk about the rest of the day. I’m sure she would say that my almost wedding had turned me into an evil bitch or something to that effect. I dropped my briefcase on my desk and settled into my chair. I breathed a sign of relief and turned my computer on. It was going to be a long day but it would be one day closer to putting my life back together and putting that nightmare of a day behind me. Or so I had convinced myself.

It was a little after one before everyone realized I was back and it seemed like everyone and their dog dropped by to say hello. Most kept it short, “Hello, good to have you back.” Some hung around hoping to get the scoop on my almost wedding. All left when they realized that I wasn’t saying a word.

Before the end of the day an IM popped up from Ben. Ben and I had started at the office about the same time. Since we were about the same age, we had instantly bonded and became work buddies. We didn’t usually hang out after work because he usually had to get home to his girlfriend but we often went to lunch together and occasionally even happy hour.

ben: welcome back little lady!

me: i don’t know how welcome I feel but thanks!

ben: let me guess…amy trying to dig for scoop and everyone else casually walking by your office to say ‘hi’ but really hoping you’re gonna spill your guts

me: something like that. seems like nothing’s changed around here!

ben: other than me being incredibly bored without you, no it hasn’t. need a drink?

me: many…

ben: let’s hit happy hour at o’malley’s

me: can we leave now?

Ben: race you to the door

I grabbed my coat and purse and headed out careful to keep my head down so I didn’t have to return any of the pity smiles. Ben was at the door waiting for me.

“Let’s rock and roll, pretty lady.”

I asked for it

Here it is: the final installment in my serial story. Leave me a comment if you think I should continue this story and help Addy find "The One". To be continued, maybe...

“So tell me, was it when I was walking down the aisle that you decided I just wasn’t pretty enough; wasn’t sweet enough; wasn’t whatever you needed enough or when was it?”

“No, Addy. Not at all.” He stood now and walked toward me slowly. He grabbed my wrists tenderly.

“It wasn’t like that. I saw you walk down the aisle – so beautiful, so innocent and full of love in your eyes and that’s when I knew. I knew I didn't deserve you. You deserved a guy who could appreciate you. Who realized how wonderful you were, perfect in every way. You deserved a guy who wouldn’t cheat on you, who wouldn’t break your heart, who wouldn’t ruin your life. And I knew, Addy. I knew I wasn’t that guy. Don’t you see? You were too good for me.”

I cried. I hadn’t meant to but I cried. Brad pulled me close and hugged me. He was the last person I wanted a hug from right now and the only person I needed one from. The story was far from perfect. In fact, it was downright awful but somehow it eased my pain. I still loved Brad. Nothing could stop that. I knew a part of me would probably always love Brad but the other part of me was glad. Glad that he didn’t marry me. Glad that he was able to walk away. Because I wasn't strong enough to.

I knew he wasn’t the one. I had always knew he wasn’t the one but I had wanted to marry him anyways because I wasn’t sure “The One” would ever find me. Would ever love me for who I am. Would ever fit so perfectly in my life as Brad had. I wasn’t sure “The One” was anything more than a myth. But here I was back at square one letting Mr. Wrong walk out of my life – not by choice – and starting over again. Waiting for the magic. Waiting for the love. Waiting for “The One.” And if they were all wrong and there was no such thing as “The One.” There was always me. And somehow that would have to be good enough.

One Wrong Step

“You went to her house the night before our wedding? After our rehearsal? After we had sat at the church with the preacher and all of our wedding party practicing for our wedding day, you went to your whore’s house. That’s so lovely, Brad.”

“Don’t pass judgment. I was going to break it off. I swear I was. But then she was there crying on the bed. She told me she was pregnant and that I was the dad. She told me she was going to keep the baby and I could be a part of its life or not. It was up to me.”

“I thought about getting up and leaving right there but she was so vulnerable so sad. I knew I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t stand by her and help her take care of that baby – our baby. We stayed up talking all night and somewhere during the night, I fell for her.”

“You fell for her? On our wedding night, you fell for another woman.”

“Night before our wedding night.”

“Same difference.”

“So it seems apparent you knew at least 12 hours before the wedding that you weren’t going to marry me so why put me through the misery, pain of getting ready, walking down the aisle and then leaving me standing there?”

“I was torn. I loved you. I loved her. She was having my baby but I was marrying you. I didn’t know what to do or who I loved more. I thought that if you married me everything would somehow be okay and I could have both.”

“Both?” I let out a evil laugh. “What did you think? The three of us were just going to live happily ever after? Come on now, Brad. That’s ridiculous.”

“The point is that I was thinking at all. I was scared. I was confused. I was torn between the two women that I loved and one of them was having my baby. What would you have done?”

“I don’t know. Maybe not have slept with another woman. Not have carried on an affair while my fiancé was planning our wedding. Not have been stupid enough to get her pregnant. Not have continued this charade until my wedding day and left my bride at the altar. That’s what I would have done, Brad.”

I was fired up now. Livid. I was seeing red. If Brad made one wrong move, I knew I would KO him right here in my living room.

Storytime

“I met her one night when I went out with the guys. You were at home with a cold. It started out innocently but gradually as I got drunker she started to get more flirtatious and by the end of the night she was full on coming on to me. I didn’t intend for anything to happen but I was so drunk, Addy. Somehow I ended up back at her place and one thing led to another and before I knew it we had slept together.”

“And it was just that one time?”

“Not exactly.”

Those weren’t the words I had wanted to hear.

“I came home the next day and felt so guilty. You gave me the third degree about where I had stayed but you bought my story that Tommy had made me crash at his place. I wanted to confess it all to you right then and there but knew that you would never be able to forgive me. I thought it was just a one-night stand so I decided the best thing for both of us would be to just not say anything.”

“I don’t think you thought about me at all in this decision, Brad. You were just protecting your own ass.”
“Do you want me to finish or what?”

I nodded as he continued.

“I didn’t know that I had given her my number and she started calling me. At first I ignored the calls but finally I picked up. She said she really needed to see me and asked that I meet her right away. At first I resisted but finally I agreed to meet her at her house. When I got there she had planned this whole seduction scene. I should have turned and left right then but for some reason, I didn’t. I went in and she seduced me. Next thing I knew I had done it again. I came home feeling awful. I could hardly look at you. I didn’t know what I was going to say or do. You were so excited about the wedding that I didn’t want to break your heart so I just went along with everything.

“Didn’t want to break my heart? Oh you did a find job of that, Brad. A fine job. Why don’t you just skip the nasty sex stories – they make me sick and skip to when you found out she was pregnant and decided that you were going to leave me standing at the altar like an idiot.”

“I swear I didn’t find out until the night before our wedding, Addy. We had been sleeping together for about four months but I fully intended to break it off that night. I went to her house…”

Answers

Back by popular demand...my continuing story in installments. If you go back to May, maybe even April you will see the first four installments of the story and see where we left off. We last left our beloved Addy KOed on the ground by The Devil. Enjoy. The final installments will promptly be delivered over the next few days!

It must have been five, maybe ten minutes before I came to. Brad was standing over me and I could tell he was worried.

"Addy? Addy? Addy, are you okay?"

It all started to come back to me.

"Where is that bitch? That orange dragon bitch. I'm taking her down."

"I made her leave, Addy. I'm sorry. I didn't know she had followed me. I sent her home. I'll take care of her later. Right now I'm worried about you. You were out quite a little while. Are you sure you're okay?"

Honestly I wasn't. My head felt like I had a massive hangover and I could see blood and was pretty sure that my nose was broke. But I wasn't letting that stop me.

"A girl who hits other girls? That's pretty white trash, Brad. Are you proud of your baby mama?"

"Don't call her that."

"What? White trash or baby mama? Because both are true."

"Well, judging from the insults you're hurling I guess you're okay. I'm going to get my stuff and go."

"The hell you are."

By now I was on my feet and positioned between the door and the stairs.

"You're not going anywhere. Set your ass down."

I must have sounded more bad ass than I felt because he did just as I said sitting down on the loveseat. He laid his head down in his hands and then rubbed his hands through his hair.

The time to get answers was now or never. I could tell his guard was down.

"Where do you want me to start?" he asked.

"How about the beginning?"

He took a deep breath and started a story that was sure to be the final splinter in my heart.

The Hills, The Hills, The Hills!

Next Monday The Hills comes back to MTV and I for one can't wait. This is one of my favorite shows and Lauren Conrad is one of my favorite people that I don't know! I loved her on Laguna Beach and I loved her on season one and two of The Hills. I am looking forward to following her life in LA for another season.

My excitement for the season is being derailed by my utter disgust for Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag. They are the worst excuse for human beings I've ever seen. For non-Hills watchers, Heidi and Lauren used to be best friends until Spencer decided he wanted Heidi all to himself and brainwashed her to hate Lauren.

The latest in this terrible twosome if them attacking Lauren on the radio stations and on Spencer's Web site (which by the way doesn't even work he's so pathetic). It's one thing to say you don't like somebody but it's another to complete ream them by calling them rude, inappropriate names and making up lies (like the sex tape). I listened to their interview on the Ryan Secrest show and they sounded like immature junior high kids who had no life (which is true).

They went on and on about how Lauren was mean to them in US Weekly for SIX pages. But I read the US Weekly article and she was anything but mean. In usual politically correct style, Lauren commented politely that they weren't friends anymore and that too many things had happened. She did not call them names like a five-year-old. She did not make fun of them. She simply stated the facts.

Does anyone know how to contact MTV? I would really love to start a petition to get Heidi and Spencer of this season of The Hills! Please help...

Perez, you go girl - I mean boy!

I know you've been there. I don't know many people who haven't aside from my parents. Perez Hilton is where the best celebrity trashing/gossip is at. It's not number one in my book in delivering celebrity gossip first (TMZ takes that honor) but I love it just the same because it's a little different.

Mr. Perez has labeled himself the Queen of all Media and the title fits. He has hit the scene big time with millions of hits each day (I don't know this for a fact - just a guess). Perez isn't just on the Web anymore. He's popping up at the Canadian music awards, in Glamour magazine and coming tomorrow The View.

With the much talked about departure of Rosie O'Donnell, The View is looking to replace her. Kathy Griffin and Ivanka Trump (she refused) are some of the names being thrown around as possible replacements but I have a sneaking suspicion we all might be a little surprised.

Perez Hilton is co-hosting The View tomorrow and also says he has a "big announcement" tomorrow. My guess? He's going to be the next co-host of The View.

How do you go from your blog to co-hosting a talk show like The View. You get people to listen. And Perez has done that. I think he would be a great fit for The View. He would certainly bring in the younger generation. Walk onto any college campus or stop someone under 30 and ask them if they know who Perez Hilton is and I bet they say yes.

Who wants to make a bet with me on Perez taking the open co-host gig? I'll pony up some big money!

Prison Fashionistas

After my lengthy post on the unfairness of Paris Hilton's jail sentence, I thought it was only right to weigh in on the whole Nicole Richie issue. After all, once upon a time they were BFFs. I thought Paris's sentence was cruel and unfair - most similar offenders wouldn't serve any time or if they did serve time, it would be very minimal. Nothing like the 26 days she had to serve. I'm not bitter about it anymore though. I think she came out a better person (repeat: think). She's still Paris Hilton and swarmed by papparazzi every day and a daily news headline but I think she learned her lesson and wants something good to come out of her time in jail.

Nicole Richie I'm not sure i can say the same for. Nicole Richie is a troublemaker. Watch an episode of The Simple Life and you will see that. That girl is waivering on the crazy side. She's always disrespecting people and doing cruel jokes that she thinks is hilarious. She's spiteful. And this isn't the first time she's been in trouble. She's been in rehab for drugs. She's been pulled over for a DWI before this DUI. She was driving down the wrong side of the road. She deserves to be punished. And if she doesn't get more time than Paris then there's something wrong with this world.

Nicole deserves at least twice the time if not more because she's got TWO DUIs. She should be in there a minimum of 52 days. That would serve her right.

I haven't decided if there's any truth to this pregnancy rumor. Judging by the way she's been hiding that belly, I think there just might be. And she truly believes it will get her out of jail time. And it might but it sure isn't fair if it does. That sends the message to other female criminals - get knocked up and you won't have to do the time. Just what we need another unwanted, unloved baby in this world.

I hope Nicole Richie has to serve her time. I have a feeling that she won't be half as regretful as Paris Hilton was. In fact, Nicole Richie will come out spitting nails and hurling accusations.

Countdown to Lindsay Lohan's trail...

Cube Farm Claims Another

An ode to my buddy over at Water the Blog:

A local woman was found dead on Monday afternoon in her cubicle. Apparent cause of death: boredom. Anita Break, 23, was found slumped over her computer keyboard with her iPod still thumping away. Multiple Excel spreadsheets and several technical papers were open on her computer.

Break was heard saying at 1:23, "If I see one more report, I'm going to croak." At 2:24 p.m., she opened an e-mail from co-worker Justin Time with a paper for her editing. The coroner said Break passed away at 2:25.

Justin Time came by at 3 to pick up the edits only to find Break dead. He was distraught to think he was to blame.

"I had no idea she was so bored," he said. "If I had known that, I would have sent her the other report I needed editing - one about the rapid decay of Missouri's caves. She would have loved it and would still be with us today. I guess I'll have to send it to Ryan Tin.

Ryan Tin was later found dead in his cubicle. The coroner is still investigating.

Paris Hilton

I finally decided I need a way to voice my opinion about this whole Paris Hilton debacle. It's really spiraled out of control. Prior to Paris being sentenced to jail, I didn't really care for her. I wouldn't say I hated her but I did not care to follow her or idolize her either.

Since then, it's a whole new story. For some reason her jail sentence made me like her. It's weird I know. She commits a crime and has to go to jail and she becomes one of my new favorite celebs? I've been making the same argument to my fiance for weeks and I think he's sick of hearing it so I thought I'd tell it to someone else. When I'm through, you'll probably be sick of hearing it too (if you aren't already).

First of all, Paris Hilton's sentence was unfair. Yes, she drove drunk. If you can call .08 drunk - that's typically one drink in one hour. I can drink one drink and still be perfectly fine. Then she drove twice on a suspended license. She deserved to be punished. But 45 days in jail? Really? I know a guy who has been arrested 3 times for DWIs; the third time without a license and he spent TWO days in jail. I think his was a little worse. She should have either been put on probation, had to go to a class, done community service and maybe served ONE weekend in jail. Not 23 days. We have far worse criminals in our country that don't do anywhere near that amount of time. I believe the judge and other officials in California who backed it were just trying to make a name for themselves. And they did. Unfortunately for them that name is ASS. I think it's too funny that the city prosecutor weighed in on how Paris should have to do the time and shouldn't be released for electronic monitoring and his wife has commited the same crime TWICE and is still walking. We should start a campaign to lock her up. Maybe I will!

Bottom line- it was an unfair sentence yet Paris dealt with it. She served it. She didn't appeal. She buckled down and sent 23 days in solitary confinement. She's a much stronger woman than I will ever be. For that I have to give her props. And I'm sad to say it but I respect her now. I never though I would say I respect Paris Hilton but I do in this case.

Finally, let's get to the media coverage. I was a journalism major in college so I have studied the media in and out so you could say it's my expertise (although that might be going a little far). Paris Hilton is a huge story. Everyone claims not to like her but she's like a car accident - like it or not you're going to stop and watch. That's why she's been on every channel. She is news. Not the same kind of news as the war in Iraq but news nonetheless. Personally I would much rather here about Paris Hilton than the war in Iraq but that's a whole different blog post.

NBC's Today was willing to pay Paris Hilton $1 million for her first interview according to TMZ.com. Is it ethical for Today to pay for their interviews? No probably not but who can blame Paris for wanting to make a buck out of the whole ordeal? And quite frankly, I want to see it. But then Today got scared and backed off and dumb old Babwa said it was "beneath" her. Paris is beneath her? Rosie O'Donnell made that show nothing but a gossip rag and home of the cat fights. Finally Larry King Live decided to host her and I am glad. I can't wait to watch it tonight. It will be on CNN at 9 et.

Paris Hilton isn't the best person in the world. She may not be the smartest person the nicest person or the sanest person but regardless, she is a person. She's a person who deserves to be treated fairly by the judicial system and everyone else. Just because she's a celebrity doesn't mean she should get 4 or 5 times the normal sentence for a crime. That's just ludicrous!

Go Paris. I'm on your side for once.