"But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous." ~Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the CityThis quote from Sex and the City was not one I expected to find in my most recent read, Love Smart by Dr. Phil McGraw. I received the book for Christmas from my mom (no it wasn't a hint - I actually asked for it. I figured I could use a little help because I don't always make the best choices in men.)
In a book about relationships, finding the man of your dreams, and love, I didn't expect to find a quote by Carrie Bradshaw or any other character on Sex and the City. But there it was - at the beginning of Chapter 3: The Character of You, a chapter on figuring out who you are and what you want.
So what was this quote doing in my book about finding love? Turns out you can't find love until you find yourself. This should be obvious but for most of us it isn't. We think that we will push on and find true love and then develop the character of you. But it won't happen. Before you can truly find love and be happy, you must first develop who you are, what you want, and your own self.
I stopped after Chapter 3. I didn't need to read on. When Dr. Phil asked me to write down a list of who I am and try to define the character of me, I couldn't. I didn't even know where to begin. I had my name, my age, where I grew up, but what else could I really say about myself? I didn't know.
So I put down Dr. Phil's book. Before I can read any further, I need to figure myself out. I need to know who I am and what I want. Then after that is over - and it might not be for awhile - I will continue and figure out how to do that great search for the man of my dreams if he exists (Dr. Phil assures me he does.)
It's hard to see the book and not pick it up wanting to read on, wanting to learn about this game of love and how to become a better player. But then I realize: what good does it do to play this game if I don't know who I want to play it against? And until I do, I will just be settling.
So I wait and I hope...
"As we speed along this endless road to the destination called who we hope to be, I can't help but whine, 'Are we there yet?'" ~Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
7 comments:
I agree with that totally. I have a friend who she is who she dates. Which means. If they are into country, she's into country. If they are religious she's religious. If you be true to yourself and don't change your personallity to fit who your dating then you'll find the right guy for you.
The advice in that book must be good to get you thinking about what you want - and who you are - in a relationship, Veeba. Most people don't figure that out until they're on their first or second divorce, and to decide to start the ground work on yourself this early in life is a good thing. You keep at it, and you'll eventually find the you that you can be happy and satisfied with.
Todd
Oh, and I put your Blog on my Links section of my Blog... check it out, it may cheer you up from time to time.
Thanks Todd. You're right - most people don't figure it out early enough and that's why there's so many divorces. And I hear you just me. Some of my best friends do the exact thing. Maybe I should pass them a copy of Dr. Phil's book!
i don't think he exists..but then again maybe he'll come along and knock me on my ass when i lease expect it
angelwithanattitude.typepad.com
I was in a relationship for 5 years where I wasn't really myself. I didn't necessarily conform to all his ways, but I didn't fit into my skin. It took me a long time to realize that being with him, because it was comfortable, wasn't the right thing. It takes courage to really be yourself with someone else. Especially when all you want is to be loved. But, once you get to that point, it's so worth it, so gratifying to know that person is with you because of who you really are. I think you'll find that you'll start to shine all on your own, and you'll discover things about yourself you never knew existed.
Best of luck!
Alecia
Hi!
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