Okay it’s finally official: Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson are separating. I know people – friends and even my sister – that cried when they heard the news. After 3 years of marriage, the couple announced in a statement that they are going their seperate ways.
We all dream of being celebrities and look at them for how we should live and love and now the two most famous celebrity couples – the “perfect couples” – of Brad Pitt and Jen Aniston and Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson are kaput.
It’s not uncommon for celebrities to marry and then divorce. Tom and Nicole. Kenny and Renee. Brad and Jen. But now Nick and Jessica too? Our MTV Newlyweds who seemed so happy. How can this be?
I’ve long been jaded about love, relationships and marriage. Anyone who reads this blog on a regular basis knows this. But the world is just giving me more and more reasons to be jaded about love. 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce. In the celebrity world, it’s probably closer to 90. The facts are in front of us, people. Why do we keep denying it?
We grew up on Disney movies and great love stories. We all want the fairy tale love. Julia Roberts said it best in Pretty Woman when she said 'I want the fairy tale."
We too as human beings have a tendency to want it all. So what happens when the great love story falls short of a fairy tale? Who's to blame? The other person of course. They let you down. They weren't the prince charming they were supposed to be. So what do you do? You kick them to the curb. You dump them. You move on to the next hopeful prince charming. Another marriage ends in divorce.
If we really want love, we need to get real and accept that there's not goign to be a fairy tale. This isn't Disney's Cinderella nor is it a Hollywood blockbuster where the actors are being paid to fall in love. This is life. And in life there's bad that comes along with the good. Pain with the happiness. Anger with the laughter.
The celebrities are just emulating what those of us who aren't in denial already know. There's gonna be pain, heartbreak, sadness. There's gonna be divorce. Quit putting these celebrities up on a pedastool as the perfect couple because they're not. They're just newlyweds, husband and wife trying to make their way through the world. Theirs is just a little more photographed.
Julia Roberts also said in fairy tale when she talked about her fairy this: "When I was a little girl my Mamma used to lock me in the attic when I was bad, which was pretty often. And I would, I would pretend I was a Princess trapped in the tower by a wicked Queen. And then suddenly this Knight, on a white horse, with these colors flying, would come charging up and draw his sword, and I would wave. And he would climb up the tower and rescue me. But never in all the time that I had this dream did the Knight say to me, "Come on baby, I'll put you up in a great condo."
But you know what. The fairy tale is great but the truth is more like the latter about the condo. There isn't going to be a knight on a white horse. But for now I'll settle for tall, dark and handsome in a great car! :)
Friday, November 25, 2005
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Why Can't I Be on the Real World
Like Martin Luther King, Jr. once said "I have a dream." Mine, however, is a little more selfish. I want to be on MTV's The Real World. Tonight's finale made me realize that it is my life's calling.
What could be better than becoming famous for nothing more than beging picked to live with 7 seven strangers in a house to find out what happens when you stop being nice and start getting real. Oh yea and do a lot of drinking and very little working. It's what I do anyways. Why not be on tv while doing it?
I've thought a lot about who I would be like from previous shows and I couldn't decide. I am definitely a drunk. A crazy drunk who will do anything after a few beers. I am loud. I talk about people behind their backs. I lie. I cheat. I hook up. Oh yea and I love drama. A day without drama is like a day without air for me.
So I'm thinking about putting together a tape for the next casting call (hopefully there will be one soon). The only problem is I need ideas of what I should do in my video to make the producers pick me. Help me ya'll! I need to be on the Real World. It's my calling!
What could be better than becoming famous for nothing more than beging picked to live with 7 seven strangers in a house to find out what happens when you stop being nice and start getting real. Oh yea and do a lot of drinking and very little working. It's what I do anyways. Why not be on tv while doing it?
I've thought a lot about who I would be like from previous shows and I couldn't decide. I am definitely a drunk. A crazy drunk who will do anything after a few beers. I am loud. I talk about people behind their backs. I lie. I cheat. I hook up. Oh yea and I love drama. A day without drama is like a day without air for me.
So I'm thinking about putting together a tape for the next casting call (hopefully there will be one soon). The only problem is I need ideas of what I should do in my video to make the producers pick me. Help me ya'll! I need to be on the Real World. It's my calling!
Monday, November 21, 2005
Don't Cry For Me
As we grow up, we learn that the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
~Wow, I got that above selection in an email. It really hit home. How true it is. Every line of it spoke to me. Everyone has let me down at some point in my life as I'm sure I've let everyone else in my life down many times.
My heart's been broken several times and every time it hurts a little bit more because each heart break reminds you of the last and hurts twice as much.
I have fought with my best friend numerous times. We've been close, not close, close again and most recently - not close again. People drift apart. As hard as you try to stay together, it's inevitable that you will fight and at some point drift off.
Old loves set the tone for new loves. Everything they do wrong that mimics an old love only makes things worse. You blame them for mistakes in the past thinking they should know better.
And most recently I lost someone I love. I've lost them emotionally through breakups but that's the easy part. The hard part is losing someone you love through death and not having a chance to ever get closure or ever know what might have happened. That's hard and it hurts every day, some days more than others.
Just how many minutes have I lost crying and being unhappy when those should have been seconds, minutes, hours of happiness. Minutes that I will never get back no matter how hard I try.
Life is too short to cry over spilled milk. I've made mistakes. I've had my heart broke. I've lied, I've cheated. I've cried. But in the end there's going to be a tomorrow when I need to put the past in the past and live for today. Today starts now.
~Wow, I got that above selection in an email. It really hit home. How true it is. Every line of it spoke to me. Everyone has let me down at some point in my life as I'm sure I've let everyone else in my life down many times.
My heart's been broken several times and every time it hurts a little bit more because each heart break reminds you of the last and hurts twice as much.
I have fought with my best friend numerous times. We've been close, not close, close again and most recently - not close again. People drift apart. As hard as you try to stay together, it's inevitable that you will fight and at some point drift off.
Old loves set the tone for new loves. Everything they do wrong that mimics an old love only makes things worse. You blame them for mistakes in the past thinking they should know better.
And most recently I lost someone I love. I've lost them emotionally through breakups but that's the easy part. The hard part is losing someone you love through death and not having a chance to ever get closure or ever know what might have happened. That's hard and it hurts every day, some days more than others.
Just how many minutes have I lost crying and being unhappy when those should have been seconds, minutes, hours of happiness. Minutes that I will never get back no matter how hard I try.
Life is too short to cry over spilled milk. I've made mistakes. I've had my heart broke. I've lied, I've cheated. I've cried. But in the end there's going to be a tomorrow when I need to put the past in the past and live for today. Today starts now.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman
Stop spinning so fast. I can't sit still. Stop the time from ticking away. I can't run fast enough. Slow down the hours, the days, the months. I can't even remember yesterday. Stop the aging - I'm not ready to grow up.
My continuous dream of the world stopping if only for just a minute keeps getting dashed. The world isn't listening to me and it's all happening too fast. I'm not ready to grow up. I'm not ready to graduate. I'm not ready to be an adult, a wife, a mother. I'm just a kid.
When did I grow up? When did I become more than just a carefree teen? Why am I constantly talking about the future - a career, a home, a life of my own complete with bills to pay? I can't handle this. Who's life is this? It can't be mine.
I'm scared. I'm not ready. I'm still just a girl not yet a woman. I still remember that song defining me at high school graduation as it played during my senior video highlighting my greatest memories. I still remember it all too clearly. I was just a girl not yet a woman. No I'm a woman no longer a girl. How come I don't feel any different?
Sometimes I wish it'd all stop. That I'd forget. That maybe - if just for a moment - the world would forget me and for a second I'd be happy, content, no longer afraid. But then the phone rings, a friend pops in, something has to be done and it all ends. It's back to the endless list of tasks and things I must do today. It's no more of the lazy, carefree girl not yet a woman.
Maybe tomorrow will be different. Maybe I'll hit the snooze. Maybe I won't wake up. Maybe I won't have to go through the endless tedious daily exercise that has consumed my life. Maybe. Maybe not because before I have time to remember that I want it all to stop I'm out running again. Maybe I am a woman.
Friday, November 18, 2005
A Pessimist At Heart
I pretend to be a believer. I pretend to be a dreamer. I pretend to be a lot of things but one thing I can no longer pretend to be is an optimist. Sure the grass is greener on the other side but right now that's just not the side I'm on.
I've thought a lot lately about love and relationships. I have never been 100 percent sold on the idea of true love. In fact, I don't believe in it at all. I don't consider it being jaded or pessimistic though. I just consider it the reality.
Sure I believe in the idea of love. I have even been in love once or twice. What I don't believe in, however, is one great love or soul mates or that one person you're supposed to spend the rest of you life with.
Charlotte on Sex and the City talked about how we only get two great loves in our lives. If you miss out on both of them, you are doomed to be alone and unhappy. I think that's a bunch of bullsh*t.
Instead I believe in the idea of an endless number of loves because love is what you make of it. Love is something that you create in a relationship. It's something that builds through time. It's not something that in instantaneous or immediate.
Sure it hurts when you fall in love and then it ends. But that's life. People die. Love dies. Everything ends eventually. But you have to pick up the pieces and move on. You have to rebuild. You have to live.
Relationships are so hard. So time-consuming. They take so much out of a person. So much that eventually you just lose yourself. At some point in a relationship you stop being you and I'm tired of it. I want what I want when I want it and I refuse to sacrifice any part of myself for a man. I realize that until I stop being so selfish I won't find love. But right now that's not important to me because I'm not looking for love. I'm not even looking for a relationship. And this is seriously the first time in my life I can actually say that. Here I am. Just me and that's enough.
I've thought a lot lately about love and relationships. I have never been 100 percent sold on the idea of true love. In fact, I don't believe in it at all. I don't consider it being jaded or pessimistic though. I just consider it the reality.
Sure I believe in the idea of love. I have even been in love once or twice. What I don't believe in, however, is one great love or soul mates or that one person you're supposed to spend the rest of you life with.
Charlotte on Sex and the City talked about how we only get two great loves in our lives. If you miss out on both of them, you are doomed to be alone and unhappy. I think that's a bunch of bullsh*t.
Instead I believe in the idea of an endless number of loves because love is what you make of it. Love is something that you create in a relationship. It's something that builds through time. It's not something that in instantaneous or immediate.
Sure it hurts when you fall in love and then it ends. But that's life. People die. Love dies. Everything ends eventually. But you have to pick up the pieces and move on. You have to rebuild. You have to live.
Relationships are so hard. So time-consuming. They take so much out of a person. So much that eventually you just lose yourself. At some point in a relationship you stop being you and I'm tired of it. I want what I want when I want it and I refuse to sacrifice any part of myself for a man. I realize that until I stop being so selfish I won't find love. But right now that's not important to me because I'm not looking for love. I'm not even looking for a relationship. And this is seriously the first time in my life I can actually say that. Here I am. Just me and that's enough.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
First Hearbreak
Last night I went out my first love - my high school boyfriend who I went out with for 3 years. We go to the same college and are still very good friends. We went out for dinner and to catch up and talk. He is engaged to be married this summer.
It's so strange how everytime we get together it's almost like nothing has changed. We can always pick up where we left off and never have any awkward silences or moments. He's always been there for me over the years whenever I was upset or sad or needed him. And he's always the person I call when I need to talk to someone.
We broke up over 2 years ago right before my sophomore year of college. We fought a lot and because it was both of our first relationship, I felt like we needed to experience other things and date other people.
It is hard to see someone you love and will probably always love with someone else and planning a wedding. It sucks. I love this guy more than anything in the world and probably always will. I know that we will never get back together and I wouldn't want to because us as a couple just didn't work. Neither of us would be happy.
But yet I continue to love him and want him to be a part of my life. I always kind of thought it was crap about how you will always love your first love but apparently it's true. I have had many other boyfriends that have come and gone and just like them so does my love for them or whatever feelings I had. This guy is the only guy that I have continued to love and want to be in my life.
Why is that? What is it about a first love that makes the heartbreak last forever? Why do those feelings continue to linger? Why can't you just get over it and move on as we do with other breakups and relationships. I really think I need to read "It's a Breakup Because It's Broken." Maybe that would give me some insight. Any advice?
It's so strange how everytime we get together it's almost like nothing has changed. We can always pick up where we left off and never have any awkward silences or moments. He's always been there for me over the years whenever I was upset or sad or needed him. And he's always the person I call when I need to talk to someone.
We broke up over 2 years ago right before my sophomore year of college. We fought a lot and because it was both of our first relationship, I felt like we needed to experience other things and date other people.
It is hard to see someone you love and will probably always love with someone else and planning a wedding. It sucks. I love this guy more than anything in the world and probably always will. I know that we will never get back together and I wouldn't want to because us as a couple just didn't work. Neither of us would be happy.
But yet I continue to love him and want him to be a part of my life. I always kind of thought it was crap about how you will always love your first love but apparently it's true. I have had many other boyfriends that have come and gone and just like them so does my love for them or whatever feelings I had. This guy is the only guy that I have continued to love and want to be in my life.
Why is that? What is it about a first love that makes the heartbreak last forever? Why do those feelings continue to linger? Why can't you just get over it and move on as we do with other breakups and relationships. I really think I need to read "It's a Breakup Because It's Broken." Maybe that would give me some insight. Any advice?
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Dating - It's all so complicated!
Question of the day: When is dating officially considered dating? First date, second date, third date? I've given this a lot of thought.
I do not consider going on a first date with someone "dating" them. I think it's more of an interview to see if you would even be interested in dating that person.
So is it second date then? I still don't think this is considered dating. Sure, the first date went well enough to give it a second chance. Or maybe it sucked so bad you figured it couldn't get any worse. Still, I think the second date isn't yet dating. It's more of a callback. "You intrigued me last time, so I thought I'd bring you in to ask you a few more questions, maybe move past 1st base, see if this thing has any potential."
My money's on the third date. You know each other. You've had the whole runthrough of "How old are you, what's your major, what do you like to do for fun, what's your plan for the future, etc etc." At this point you're hanging out with each other because you like each other's company. Maybe you find them exciting, maybe comforting, maybe you must plain like them. Either way, I think at this point it's considered dating.
So after the 3rd date do you start telling people you're dating someone? It's still not exclusive unless you've had "the talk" (this is a whole nother post for a different time!), but you aren't necessarily single. You are dating someone. Should you tell people that?
When is the official time that dating is considered "dating"?
I do not consider going on a first date with someone "dating" them. I think it's more of an interview to see if you would even be interested in dating that person.
So is it second date then? I still don't think this is considered dating. Sure, the first date went well enough to give it a second chance. Or maybe it sucked so bad you figured it couldn't get any worse. Still, I think the second date isn't yet dating. It's more of a callback. "You intrigued me last time, so I thought I'd bring you in to ask you a few more questions, maybe move past 1st base, see if this thing has any potential."
My money's on the third date. You know each other. You've had the whole runthrough of "How old are you, what's your major, what do you like to do for fun, what's your plan for the future, etc etc." At this point you're hanging out with each other because you like each other's company. Maybe you find them exciting, maybe comforting, maybe you must plain like them. Either way, I think at this point it's considered dating.
So after the 3rd date do you start telling people you're dating someone? It's still not exclusive unless you've had "the talk" (this is a whole nother post for a different time!), but you aren't necessarily single. You are dating someone. Should you tell people that?
When is the official time that dating is considered "dating"?
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Words from the Heart
Sometimes the sadness just gets to be too much
It hits me each night as I lie down like a punch
Why doesn’t anyone care about me
What is it that I can’t see
Am I a two-headed monster or the devil itself
Am I just a book on a dusty old shelf
The people they come and go
They are a lover, a friend and a foe
But it doesn’t matter who the are
Because they can’t not erase my scar
My heart is broken
Words left unspoken
Dreams shattered
Lives scattered
I try to make it all go away
But yet the sadness will stay
I can’t go on like this
In a state of unhappiness
I need it all to just slow up
Someone to fill my cup
It can’t be half empty for always
Someone please wipe my tears away
Fill my cup up to the rim
Make my life a little less dim
Help the sun to shine through
And turn the tears into just morning dew
Please just stop the beating of my heart
It hits me each night as I lie down like a punch
Why doesn’t anyone care about me
What is it that I can’t see
Am I a two-headed monster or the devil itself
Am I just a book on a dusty old shelf
The people they come and go
They are a lover, a friend and a foe
But it doesn’t matter who the are
Because they can’t not erase my scar
My heart is broken
Words left unspoken
Dreams shattered
Lives scattered
I try to make it all go away
But yet the sadness will stay
I can’t go on like this
In a state of unhappiness
I need it all to just slow up
Someone to fill my cup
It can’t be half empty for always
Someone please wipe my tears away
Fill my cup up to the rim
Make my life a little less dim
Help the sun to shine through
And turn the tears into just morning dew
Please just stop the beating of my heart
Please just give me a fresh new start
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
New Favorite Holiday
It's official: Halloween is my new favorite holiday. I used to think it was Christmas but I have completely changed my mind. I'm not even sure that Halloween really counts as a holiday but to me it does.
What other holiday do you get to party your a** off for multiple days (Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Monday for me). New Year's is great but that's only 1, 2 days max and it's so cold then. It's also the only holiday that you don't have to spend with your family because you don't really have family dinners or anything which is great.
Reason #3 that I love Halloween: The costumes. What other day of the year do you have a total excuse for dressing up like a complete hoe. Right. Because the cat ears and whiskers really constituted as a "costume." No not really. We just dressed up as slutty as possible in all black threw on some ears and drew whiskers on with eyeliner and went dancing.
The candy's also great. My mom gave me tons which I have almost devoured. I truly love Halloween and can't wait till next year. I can't believe it's already over. I really can't believe it's November already. Where has the time gone?
In other business, I am seriously considering moving to D.C. when I graduate in May. My new friend who wants to do public relations just like me is moving out there in May and she is trying to talk me into coming with her and getting a job out there. The first time she asked I just laughed it off but now after thinking about I am seriously considering it. I even just looked up some jobs in the D.C. area.
I always thought I would stay around here but I don't really have any ties to the area other than my family. I know I probably won't want to be that far away from my family forever, but it would be nice to experience the big city life for awhile. Plus D.C. is an amazing place to start my career. I think i would shock everyone I know if I packed up in May and moved to D.C. But I really think I might do it. Is that crazy? Can a small town girl make it in the big city? I've never even been on a metro and most of the jobs say that you get free metro fare to and from work. Weird!!
What other holiday do you get to party your a** off for multiple days (Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Monday for me). New Year's is great but that's only 1, 2 days max and it's so cold then. It's also the only holiday that you don't have to spend with your family because you don't really have family dinners or anything which is great.
Reason #3 that I love Halloween: The costumes. What other day of the year do you have a total excuse for dressing up like a complete hoe. Right. Because the cat ears and whiskers really constituted as a "costume." No not really. We just dressed up as slutty as possible in all black threw on some ears and drew whiskers on with eyeliner and went dancing.
The candy's also great. My mom gave me tons which I have almost devoured. I truly love Halloween and can't wait till next year. I can't believe it's already over. I really can't believe it's November already. Where has the time gone?
In other business, I am seriously considering moving to D.C. when I graduate in May. My new friend who wants to do public relations just like me is moving out there in May and she is trying to talk me into coming with her and getting a job out there. The first time she asked I just laughed it off but now after thinking about I am seriously considering it. I even just looked up some jobs in the D.C. area.
I always thought I would stay around here but I don't really have any ties to the area other than my family. I know I probably won't want to be that far away from my family forever, but it would be nice to experience the big city life for awhile. Plus D.C. is an amazing place to start my career. I think i would shock everyone I know if I packed up in May and moved to D.C. But I really think I might do it. Is that crazy? Can a small town girl make it in the big city? I've never even been on a metro and most of the jobs say that you get free metro fare to and from work. Weird!!
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