Tempting Fate

I don’t know how long I had been crying before I heard another knock at the door. I stood up and swung the door open.

“What?”

Ben stood in front of me looking just as handsome as he had the night before but troubled and very tired.

“Addy, what is going on? You’re not ready? Is everything okay? You look like you’ve been crying?”

This time I collapsed in his arms. I was surprised that I still had tears to cry. He held me for what felt like the longest time before he pulled back.

“What’s going on? Why are you so sad? Is this because of…”

“Brad was here.”

“What?” I could tell by the tone of his voice he was angry. “What the hell was that bastard doing here? Where is he? I’ll kick his ass.”

“He’s gone. He left.”
“What was he doing here?”

“He was here last night when you dropped me off?”

“And he just left? What the hell happened?” Now he looked really pissed.

I started from last night and told him the whole story – how I had blacked out and woke up this morning and he was in my bed all sweet and acting like we were back together. And then The Devil showed up and he kicked her out and then I had kicked him out but I knew he wasn’t going to give up that easily. I felt so depleted. Like I had lost my last friend and I knew I looked a wreck.



“I must look terrible,” I said straightening my hair trying to make myself look somewhat presentable. The swollen red eyes didn’t help anything. I looked down at my feet.

Ben grabbed my chin and pulled my face up to look at him. He smiled. “You look great. Always do.”

We both stood there for a second looking into each other’s eyes before he leaned down and kissed me once again sending chills down my spine. He stopped and ran his hands down my arms grabbing my hands and lacing his fingers through mine.

The Waterworks Begin

Brad reached for me but I pushed his hand away, jumped up and ran for the bathroom. I puked until there was nothing left to puke. I was certain I looked like a mess and felt like one too. I mustered up the strength to head into the kitchen where Brad had fixed me a couple slices of toast and set out a glass of orange juice.

“I thought this would make you feel better.”

“You know what would make me feel better?” I asked. “You getting the hell out of my house. NOW.”

He started to say something.

“I mean it. NOW.”

“But I thought...”

“You thought wrong. Get out.” By now my voice was shaking but I remained firm. I wanted him to know that I wasn’t going to change my mind on this. I thought he was going to say something but he didn’t. He gathered his stuff and headed to the door.

“I guess I’ll call you later?”

“Don’t bother.”

“I’ll call you later,” he reaffirmed and then he was gone. Once again I collapsed in a heap against the door and I cried. Really cried. I cried until there wasn’t any tears left to cry. I had screwed up. Once again. And there was no one to blame but myself.

Mark One Up For Me

Brad headed toward the door while I got out of bed and threw on a robe. I heard some commotion going on the living room and headed out to see who was at the door. I swung open the bedroom door and froze. The Devil in Fake Prada. Shit. She was yelling at Brad and didn’t seem to see me at first. But when she did all hell broke loose.

“You stupid slut.”

“Who you calling a slut? I believe you’re the one who’s been cheating with MY fiancé.” I drew out the fiancé just to add a little extra sting.

“EX-fiance,” I had to admit that stung a little. “He left you. He’s with me now. You couldn’t handle it. You man-stealing slut. You’re not going to win. He loves me. He’s coming back to me.”

I sauntered over. My hangover had subsided and I was ready to cause a little trouble. I slung my arm over Brad and let a mischievous smile spread across my face.

“I believe it was me who won last night, all night long. Now wasn’t it, Brad. And I believe it was just a few minutes ago you were telling me how much you loved me.”

“You bitch!” I saw her hand coming toward my face but couldn’t react fast enough. The next thing I know was her hand was stopped directly in my face. Brad had grabbed her wrist and stopped the blow. He spoke calmly and turned to her.

“Missy, I think you need to leave. Addy and I…” He paused. “We’re back together. Right, baby?”

I bottled up all my anger and hatefulness and smiled. “That sure is, sweetie. We just loved each other too much to stay away. One little MISTAKE couldn’t keep us apart.” He wrapped his arm around me and a chill ran through my body. I shook it off. “I think it’s time you leave my property before I call the police.” I opened the door and pointed the way out.

“This isn’t over. You haven’t won.” She said. “He’s going to come back to me. He loves me. I know he does.”
“You’re right. It isn’t over.” I shoved her out the door and slammed the door in her face. I fell back against the door and slid to the ground wrapping my hands around my stomach. I felt sick. Seriously sick.

Regrets

I woke up the next morning with a massive hangover. I should have seen this one coming as much as I had drank the night before. It had been awhile since I’d had a hangover of this magnitude and now I realized why.

I stretched my arms my eyes still mostly closed. The house was drafty and I wasn’t ready to get up yet. I rolled over to my left to cuddle up to my pillow. I reached out and struck something warm. My eyelids slowly creeped open. I gasped.

“Hello, beautiful.”

“Shit.”

“Well, good morning to you too.”

I curled up in a ball and could feel the tears making their way to the forefront. I flipped over refusing to let him see me cry. He curled up to me and wrapped his arms around me.

“I think this is just what both of us needed to put the past behind us and start fresh.”

I bit my tongue afraid of the words that might come billowing out. I didn’t know how to respond to this turn of events.

“You know I love you, right?”

My head felt like it was going to explode – partly from the hangover, partly from my frustration. My heart hung low in disappointment. I had turned to the bottle and was paying the price. Years of AA meetings had taught me how tough it could be to stay away when bad things happened and how we had to stay strong and remember our sponsor. I had convinced myself that those years of my life were behind me. I hadn’t spoken to my sponsor for over a year.

“Why don’t I make us some breakfast?” Brad asked. “Some pancakes for my little buttercup?” he asked as he patted me gently on my butt.

“Why don’t you just leave?” I responded bitterly but still continuing to avoid eye contact.

He was quiet for a second as he let the words hit him. I thought that maybe he was actually going to listen for once and hit the road. But then I knew him better than that.

“Come on, baby. I know this is hard for you. You hate admitting when you are wrong and showing any weakness, but you need me. You need me just as bad as I need you.”

Just then there was a heavy knocking on the door. It didn’t stop and continued to get louder.

“Are you going to get that?” Brad asked.

“No, I’m not expecting anyone.” I turned and looked at him. “Are you?”

Stumbling

I pulled back. “What in the world are you doing?”

“We lost it.”

“You lost it. You lost it all. That’s for sure.”

“No, Addy, SHE lost it.”

“Lost what?” I was thoroughly confused. What in the world was he talking about?

“We lost the baby, Addy. She had a miscarriage. I just found out. I’ve been sitting on your front step for hours waiting for you to come home to tell you the good news.

“Good news? Good news?” I was slightly miffed. “How is a woman having a miscarriage good news? A woman carrying YOUR baby?”

“I was sad at first. I was excited to become a father. But then it hit me. I was with her because of the baby. That’s all. I thought that I had fallen for her but it was just the baby that I had fallen for. I was in love with the idea of being a father. But if there was no baby, there was no us, which meant I was free.”

I laughed. “You certainly are. I’m glad you take so much pleasure out of it.”

Brad grabbed my hands. “I’m free, baby. Free to be with you again. We can get married after all.”

“Baby? Married? I think you’re moving a little quickly here. You’re free alright, Brad. But as far as I’m concerned, you’re going to stay that way.”

I turned to walk away and stumbled a little up the front step.

“Are you drunk?” Brad asked.

“Of course not,” I said as I chuckled.

“You’re freaking drunk. How am I supposed to have a serious conversation with you when you’re drunk?”

“Oh, Brad. Any chance of us having a serious relationship went out the window when you ruined our “serious” relationship by climbing into bed with another woman. So maybe you’re the one who should be having a “serious” conversation with yourself.”

He grabbed me by the shoulder and started to help me up the steps. I didn’t want – or need – any help, especially not from him. I pushed him back and hurdled up the steps and to the door. Brad followed behind.

“If you think I’m letting you in this door, you have another thing coming. You need to hit the road, Brad.”

He started to say something but thought better of it. He knew how angry of a drunk I could be. I was the daughter of an alcoholic father and the disease didn’t strike too far from home. I had wavered on the side of an addiction when I first met Brad and he had saved me from the self-destruction that was sure to come. I guess that was one thing I could be thankful to Brad for. One of many…

Blurring the Lines

“There. Got rid of him,” Ben said. “Can we go now?”

Neither of us said a word as we walked back to the office. We didn’t even so much as look at each other until we were in the office parking lot. Ben started for his car, and I started for mine. He stopped.

“Addy.”

I turned. “Yea?”

“Maybe you should ride with me.”

What was going on here? Did Ben have a thing for me? He couldn’t. We had been friends forever. He had a girlfriend who he lived with. A girlfriend who I was friends with. But why then did he kiss me? I didn’t have time to give it much though. Ben had grabbed me by the arm and was hurrying me to his car.

“Come on. Let’s go. I’m not going to let you drive.”

“But my car…” I stumbled over the yellow line. I guess maybe I should be driving. “How will I get to work tomorrow?”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll come get you.”

We were silent the rest of the way to my place. When he pulled in front of my house, Ben started to say something but stopped. I reached for the door handle and looked back.

“Ben…”

“See you tomorrow, Addy.” Before I knew what was happening, Ben leaned over planted another big kiss on my lips, reached across me, flung open the door, pushed me out and spun off as I was left standing in the drive my mouth hung open in shock swaying a little from one too many pitchers.

“What the hell is going on here?”

I flung around and came face-to-face with Brad.

“I, uh, what…” I started. “What are you doing here?”
“What am I doing here? I guess I should ask you the same question.”

“How long have you been here?”
“Long enough to see what I just saw. Ben? Really? How long has this been going on?”

I started to tell him nothing was going on and that it was nothing. But I wasn’t so sure about that. It sure felt like something. But I couldn’t say how Ben felt. After all, he had a girlfriend who he seemed very much in love with and had never shown me one ounce of interest before tonight. I wasn’t so sure he was even showing interest tonight or just trying to get me home. I wasn’t going to let Brad know that though.

“Well, to tell you the truth, that’s absolutely none of your business.”

“You little bitch,” he said so hatefully I almost recoiled. “You were cheating all along, weren’t you? When were you planning on telling me? Or were you just going to let me take the fall for everything?”

“Oh give me a break, Brad. I don’t know why we’re even having this conversation. I tried to push by him but he stopped me.”

“Look me in the eye and tell me you weren’t cheating, Addy.”

I stared him straight in the eyes desperately trying to make him disappear. “I wasn’t cheating. This is the first time it’s ever happened.”
Relief flooded through Brad’s eyes. He pulled me toward him and wrapped his arms around me in a huge, stifling hug. He kissed my neck, kissed my cheek and moved toward my lips.

Pushed to Action

A half hour later Ben and I had managed to down three pitchers and had another on the way. It was safe to say we were both a little tipsy. A guy that I had seen there a few times before kept glancing over our way.

“I think you have an admirer,” Ben whispered in my ear.

“Not interested,” as I downed another glass.

“Too late. He’s headed this way.”

I looked over and sure enough the man was making his way to our booth.

“Hi, I’m Jon,” he said as he held his hand out to me.

I reached for the pitcher completely ignoring him.

Ben reached his hand out and shook Jon’s hand.

“I’m Ben,” he said. “This is Addy. We work across the street at Fleisher.”

“I thought I had seen you two here before. I work at McDonahue & Wilshire accounting firm down the road. Mind if I join you?”

I guess you could safely say that I had moved beyond tipsy and was quite drunk by now. I scooted over and patted the seat beside me.

“Sit on down, partner,” I giggled. “I’ll even let you buy me a drink.”

Jon ordered us another pitcher and I reached for it.

Ben grabbed my wrist before I could grab hold.

“Slow down, Addy. I think you’ve had enough.”

“Butt out, Ben. Do you think I’ve had enough, Jon?”

Jon wiggled in his seat looking uncomfortable and looked from Ben to me.

“I don’t know,” he finally said. “Looks like you’re having fun to me.”

Ben sighed. “Addy, can I talk to you? Privately.”

Jon excused himself to go to the men’s room and I glared over at Ben upset at him for sending him away. After all, he was pretty cute. Or was that just the alcohol talking?

“What the hell are you doing, Addy?”

“Just having a little fun. What’s the harm in that?”

“I think it’s time for both of us to be going,” Ben said as he stood up in the booth and grabbed my arm. I resisted. “Addy, let’s go.”

Something in the tone of his voice moved me to action. I grabbed my glass and chugged what was left and stood up. Ben led the way as I followed behind. We were almost out the door when Jon caught up with us. He grabbed my right arm and pulled me back.

“Hey, leaving already?” He asked. “I thought we were just starting to have fun.”

I giggled. Ben didn’t. “Sorry, man, we need to get going.”

Jon looked from Ben to me and back at Ben. “I’m sorry. Did I interrupt something here? I didn’t mean to interfere. Are you two like – together? I didn’t think you were. I thought I had seen you both here with other people before so I just assumed.”

“Assumed what?” Ben asked. “That we were just friends?”

At this precise moment, Ben leaned down and planted the biggest, wettest kiss on my lips. At first I started to recoil but then I stopped myself and leaned in. It was cold at first but then my whole body began to warm up and my feet began to tingle. As quickly as he started, Ben pulled away. I looked up at him my eyes wide with amazement. Jon had now turned on his heels and walked off.

Back to Life or Something Like It

aSomehow I mustered up the courage to send Brad packing. It wasn’t easy but I knew it was what I needed to do. Because at the end of the day he was going back to The Devil and I knew it. And as angry as it made me that she had won and she had got the guy, my guy; I knew it was for the best. They were having a kid together and no matter how much I loved him, I couldn’t – wouldn’t – stand in the way of that.

Brad fed me some line about how he would always love me and that he hoped we could continue to be friends. I nodded and pretended to feel the same but the only thing I hoped is that I never had to see him or his whore ever again. The fact that I knew he wasn’t “The One” didn’t make my heart hurt any less because the fact of the matter was that I was starting all over. Back at square one. I was a single again and that was the loneliest feeling in the world.

I woke up on Monday exhausted but relieved. It hadn’t been easy to hear but I felt like Brad had finally given me the closure I needed to put this who fiasco behind me and start living again. I didn’t quite feel like a new woman but I felt like a better woman.

I made the decision to pick myself off the couch and return to work. My only hope was that I had a job to return to. I even took a shower and did my hair and makeup for the first time since the almost wedding. If I was going to do this, if I was going to start over, I was going to do it with my best face forward.

I arrived at work about 15 minutes early but the office was already bustling. As I made my way to my cubicle, several people nodded or waved hello while others gave me half pity smiles. I bit my lip and smiled back. I would not be a train wreck. I would not show my weakness. I had almost made it to my cube when Amy, the secretary and queen of all things gossip crossed my path.

“Oh, Addy!” She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly. “It’s so great to see you back. We weren’t sure we would ever see you again. How are you doing?”

She was looking me over from head to toe to see if she could find any sign of weakness. Had I mismatched my socks? Were my pants wrinkled? Did my shirt have a stain? Had I been crying? I had made sure the answer to all of those questions was no.

“I’m doing great. Thanks for asking, Amy. How are you doing?” I hoped that by changing the subject she would let it rest.

“Well, I’m doing good but I didn’t just have my heart broken. Oh, Addy, it was so tragic. I don’t know how you did it.”

She had to go there. I knew she couldn’t let it rest.

“I don’t know that I would call it tragic. A blessing is really more accurate.”

Bewilderment flashed in her eyes. Why did I have to run into Amy my first day back? She was only going to dig for dirt so she could spread it around the office. Did you hear about Addy? Her fiancé left her at the altar and she was so devastated she nearly committed suicide. I heard she tried to kill herself but wasn’t even successful in that. Poor thing.

I was not going to be anyone’s poor thing. And I was not going to be the butt of office jokes and the subject of office rumors. I would set her straight right here and now.

“Oh, Addy. You know you can talk to me if you need to. I’m always right up there.” She pointed to her desk at the front of the office.

“As much as I would love to spill my life story to you, Amy, everyone knows that it would only be a matter of minutes before you had spilled it to everyone else in the office. So thanks but no thanks. If I wanted to be the subject of office whispers, I would have just called Page Six.”

Her mouth dropped and she turned in a huff. At least now she would have something to talk about the rest of the day. I’m sure she would say that my almost wedding had turned me into an evil bitch or something to that effect. I dropped my briefcase on my desk and settled into my chair. I breathed a sign of relief and turned my computer on. It was going to be a long day but it would be one day closer to putting my life back together and putting that nightmare of a day behind me. Or so I had convinced myself.

It was a little after one before everyone realized I was back and it seemed like everyone and their dog dropped by to say hello. Most kept it short, “Hello, good to have you back.” Some hung around hoping to get the scoop on my almost wedding. All left when they realized that I wasn’t saying a word.

Before the end of the day an IM popped up from Ben. Ben and I had started at the office about the same time. Since we were about the same age, we had instantly bonded and became work buddies. We didn’t usually hang out after work because he usually had to get home to his girlfriend but we often went to lunch together and occasionally even happy hour.

ben: welcome back little lady!

me: i don’t know how welcome I feel but thanks!

ben: let me guess…amy trying to dig for scoop and everyone else casually walking by your office to say ‘hi’ but really hoping you’re gonna spill your guts

me: something like that. seems like nothing’s changed around here!

ben: other than me being incredibly bored without you, no it hasn’t. need a drink?

me: many…

ben: let’s hit happy hour at o’malley’s

me: can we leave now?

Ben: race you to the door

I grabbed my coat and purse and headed out careful to keep my head down so I didn’t have to return any of the pity smiles. Ben was at the door waiting for me.

“Let’s rock and roll, pretty lady.”