The Character of You

"But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous." ~Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

This quote from Sex and the City was not one I expected to find in my most recent read, Love Smart by Dr. Phil McGraw. I received the book for Christmas from my mom (no it wasn't a hint - I actually asked for it. I figured I could use a little help because I don't always make the best choices in men.)

In a book about relationships, finding the man of your dreams, and love, I didn't expect to find a quote by Carrie Bradshaw or any other character on Sex and the City. But there it was - at the beginning of Chapter 3: The Character of You, a chapter on figuring out who you are and what you want.

So what was this quote doing in my book about finding love? Turns out you can't find love until you find yourself. This should be obvious but for most of us it isn't. We think that we will push on and find true love and then develop the character of you. But it won't happen. Before you can truly find love and be happy, you must first develop who you are, what you want, and your own self.

I stopped after Chapter 3. I didn't need to read on. When Dr. Phil asked me to write down a list of who I am and try to define the character of me, I couldn't. I didn't even know where to begin. I had my name, my age, where I grew up, but what else could I really say about myself? I didn't know.

So I put down Dr. Phil's book. Before I can read any further, I need to figure myself out. I need to know who I am and what I want. Then after that is over - and it might not be for awhile - I will continue and figure out how to do that great search for the man of my dreams if he exists (Dr. Phil assures me he does.)

It's hard to see the book and not pick it up wanting to read on, wanting to learn about this game of love and how to become a better player. But then I realize: what good does it do to play this game if I don't know who I want to play it against? And until I do, I will just be settling.

So I wait and I hope...

"As we speed along this endless road to the destination called who we hope to be, I can't help but whine, 'Are we there yet?'" ~Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City