“Come on, Ben. I think you’re great. I just, well, I just don’t know.
“You just what, Addy?”
“I haven’t really ever thought of you like that. You really took me by surprise kissing me like that yesterday, and I don’t really know how to respond.”
“You can’t tell me that you never knew how I felt about you. You had to have known. It was apparently pretty obvious to everyone else.”
“I don’t know. I guess I got the impression now and then but I didn’t really think much of it. I had a fiancé. I was getting married. I wasn’t thinking about other guys. I’m still not. I don’t want to shut the door but I’m not sure the door is open yet at this point. It’s been a rough few months, really really rough. I just need some time to get myself back together before I can explore anything with anybody.”
“Okay.” Ben said as he reached for the knob. I reached out and touched his hand.
“Stay. Please.”
“And do what? Pretend that I don’t want to touch you? Pretend that I’m not dying to kiss you? It’s not that easy.”
“How about we compromise?”
“What? How do you propose we do that?”
“We watch the movie and do a little – a little – cuddling. But no kissing. And no inappropriate touching. Or at least not much.” I said winking at him flirtatiously.
He grinned. “I think I can accept that. The not much part anyway.” He winked back. We put the movie in, moved to the couch and I settled in to his arms. It felt strangely familiar like I had been doing it for years. Sometime during the movie and before the credits I dozed off and apparently Ben did too. The next thing I know I woke up and looked at the clock on the DVD player. 3:07.
I guess my movement woke Ben because he began stirring as well. He pulled me closer to him and squeezed my hand. A minute later he opened his eyes.
“Addy? What time is it? Is the movie over? I don’t even remember falling asleep.”
“It’s 3 in the morning, Ben.”
“Shit.” He sat up and ran his hands through his hair. “I guess I better get going.” He started to get up but I motioned for him to stay seated.
“Why don’t you just stay here tonight? It’s late and you’ve been asleep. Would that be okay?”
He grinned. “If I didn’t know you, Addy, I’d think you were trying to get me in bed with you.”
I laughed coyly. “Oh, you wish. I’ll just bring you some blankets and you can sleep on the couch.”
“Ouch. I knew that was coming. I guess beggars can’t be choosers. I’ll take what I can get. Just knowing you’re in the same house is enough.” He winked and settled back onto the couch. I grabbed some blankets and a pillow from the linen closet and brought it to him. I laid them on top of him as his left eye opened to look at me. He reached out and grabbed me by the waist pulling me on top of him. I plopped over him catching my breath.
“Did I ever tell you how beautiful you look tonight? Because you do.”
“Oh, stop it. My hair – it’s a mess. I’ve been sleeping.”
“Sleeping beauty,” he said as he ran his hand over my hair and tucked a stray piece behind my ear. His hand floated down and lightly grasped my chin. My breath caught in my throat. He leaned forward and kissed me ever so gently. It was light; it was soft but with just a tough of male desire. I gasped. I leaned back and he rolled over onto his side.
“Good night, Addy.” And a few seconds later he was snoring softly. I watched over him for a few minutes before making my way up to my own room and bed still slightly unsettled and unsure of just what exactly Ben had aroused in me. One thing was for sure – he had certainly aroused something and it felt good. Really good.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Just Friends
I was relieved when a knock on the door interrupted.
“That better not be Brad again,” Ben piped up following behind me as I went to open the door. I swung it open and my heart sunk. Gina stood in front of me looking like she had just seen a ghost.
“Gina, it’s not what it looks like…”
“What is it that it’s supposed to look like? A cozy evening at home? Because that’s exactly what it looks like to me. Here I am coming over to talk to you thinking that maybe we could commiserate a little bit about being dumped and you’ve moved in on my man. I thought we were friends, Addy.”
“We are friends, Gina. Please let me explain.”
“What is there to explain?” Gina asked looking from me to Ben and back again.
“Gina, please don’t be mad at Addy. She had a bad week. I came over to cheer her up and keep her away from Brad. She did nothing wrong.”
“What about you, Ben? Did you do something wrong? Like, I don’t know, pine after Addy the entire time we were together? You were all too eager to become a free man when Addy came back on the market. A little too convenient, don’t you think?”
“You’ve got it wrong,” I butted in. “We’re friends. That’s all. Right, Ben?” I looked up at him and he looked back at me with utter disappointment behind his eyes.
“Just friends. That’s right. That’s all.” His shoulders slumped.
“That look told me all I need to know,” Gina said as she turned and stormed off. I started to go after her but then stopped. I would let her cool off and call her tomorrow and try to smooth things over. Gina and I hadn’t been friends for long but since Ben and her had been dating we had become fairly close. I didn’t have a lot of female friends so it was nice to have a girl to go shopping and just share things with. I didn’t want to lose that female companionship.
I looked over and Ben was putting on his coat.
“What’s going on? Where are you going?”
“I think I should go home,” he said not looking directly at me.
“But why? We haven’t even watched our movies yet.”
“I just think it would be for the best.”
“Is this about what I said to Gina – about us being just friends? I didn’t mean to hurt you; I just…”
“You just were telling the truth, right? We are just friends. That’s all. You don’t return any of the feelings I have for you, do you?”
“That better not be Brad again,” Ben piped up following behind me as I went to open the door. I swung it open and my heart sunk. Gina stood in front of me looking like she had just seen a ghost.
“Gina, it’s not what it looks like…”
“What is it that it’s supposed to look like? A cozy evening at home? Because that’s exactly what it looks like to me. Here I am coming over to talk to you thinking that maybe we could commiserate a little bit about being dumped and you’ve moved in on my man. I thought we were friends, Addy.”
“We are friends, Gina. Please let me explain.”
“What is there to explain?” Gina asked looking from me to Ben and back again.
“Gina, please don’t be mad at Addy. She had a bad week. I came over to cheer her up and keep her away from Brad. She did nothing wrong.”
“What about you, Ben? Did you do something wrong? Like, I don’t know, pine after Addy the entire time we were together? You were all too eager to become a free man when Addy came back on the market. A little too convenient, don’t you think?”
“You’ve got it wrong,” I butted in. “We’re friends. That’s all. Right, Ben?” I looked up at him and he looked back at me with utter disappointment behind his eyes.
“Just friends. That’s right. That’s all.” His shoulders slumped.
“That look told me all I need to know,” Gina said as she turned and stormed off. I started to go after her but then stopped. I would let her cool off and call her tomorrow and try to smooth things over. Gina and I hadn’t been friends for long but since Ben and her had been dating we had become fairly close. I didn’t have a lot of female friends so it was nice to have a girl to go shopping and just share things with. I didn’t want to lose that female companionship.
I looked over and Ben was putting on his coat.
“What’s going on? Where are you going?”
“I think I should go home,” he said not looking directly at me.
“But why? We haven’t even watched our movies yet.”
“I just think it would be for the best.”
“Is this about what I said to Gina – about us being just friends? I didn’t mean to hurt you; I just…”
“You just were telling the truth, right? We are just friends. That’s all. You don’t return any of the feelings I have for you, do you?”
Starting Fresh?
He sat there for about 10 seconds stumped before the light bulb came on.
“Shit, Addy. I wasn’t thinking. Do you want me to return them and get something else?”
“No, no. I just found it ironic that I am in my plight because my fiance’s mistress got knocked up and you got two movies about girls that get knocked up. Nice.”
He laughed this time. “Man, I am such a loser. I should just cut my losses now, huh? Wow. I’m pathetic with women. Always have been, probably always will be.”
“Not true. Gina apparently thought you were charming. She lived with you after all for, what, six months?”
“Yea I guess so. Maybe. She didn’t cry when I broke up with her though. She acted strangely relieved. Maybe that should have told me something.”
“No way. She probably just knew it wasn’t right. Girls have a sixth sense about those kind of things even if they don’t want to admit it.”
“If you had this sixth sense, why didn’t you sniff Brad out sooner?”
“Like I said sometimes we just don’t want to admit it. It’s easier to be with somebody that maybe isn’t right than to have to start fresh with somebody new.”
We sat there in awkward silence for a minute or two.
“Are you ready to start fresh, Addy?” Ben finally asked breaking the silence. I stared up at him unsure of how to respond. I didn’t want to push Ben away but I also wasn’t sure about him, about the situation, about anything really and the last thing I wanted to do was lose a friend after everything else.
“I’ll start the movie,” I said finally choosing that no answer was the best answer. I jumped up, grabbed the movie off the coffee table and started around Ben. He stood up blocking my path.
“Addy, I need an answer. Are you ready to start fresh?”
“Shit, Addy. I wasn’t thinking. Do you want me to return them and get something else?”
“No, no. I just found it ironic that I am in my plight because my fiance’s mistress got knocked up and you got two movies about girls that get knocked up. Nice.”
He laughed this time. “Man, I am such a loser. I should just cut my losses now, huh? Wow. I’m pathetic with women. Always have been, probably always will be.”
“Not true. Gina apparently thought you were charming. She lived with you after all for, what, six months?”
“Yea I guess so. Maybe. She didn’t cry when I broke up with her though. She acted strangely relieved. Maybe that should have told me something.”
“No way. She probably just knew it wasn’t right. Girls have a sixth sense about those kind of things even if they don’t want to admit it.”
“If you had this sixth sense, why didn’t you sniff Brad out sooner?”
“Like I said sometimes we just don’t want to admit it. It’s easier to be with somebody that maybe isn’t right than to have to start fresh with somebody new.”
We sat there in awkward silence for a minute or two.
“Are you ready to start fresh, Addy?” Ben finally asked breaking the silence. I stared up at him unsure of how to respond. I didn’t want to push Ben away but I also wasn’t sure about him, about the situation, about anything really and the last thing I wanted to do was lose a friend after everything else.
“I’ll start the movie,” I said finally choosing that no answer was the best answer. I jumped up, grabbed the movie off the coffee table and started around Ben. He stood up blocking my path.
“Addy, I need an answer. Are you ready to start fresh?”
Movie Night
We stood there like that for a couple minutes before I finally stepped back and motioned for him to sit down.
“So what movies do you have there?”
“2 Fast. 2 Furious.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“What you don’t like action movies? Come on – Vin Diesel and Paul Walker star in this one. I know they are in your top 3.”
“And how do you know that?”
“I know things about you. Plus you told me.” He smiled goofily.
“You’re a quack,” I punched him lightly in the shoulder. “I hope you didn’t really get 2 Fast 2 Furious or I’m going to send you packing behind Brad.”
“Now would you really do that to me?” he asked then laughed. “Yes, you would. Okay okay. Lucky for me, I’m safe. I got funny movies. I figured you could use a good laugh. What do you think about Juno and Knocked Up?”
I began to laugh and couldn’t stop. I had tears running down my cheek when I stopped. Ben sat there unsure of what was going on or why I was so amused.
“What?” he finally asked when I stopped laughing long enough to respond.
“Do you notice any kind of recurring theme in those movies? One that might hit a little close to home?”
“So what movies do you have there?”
“2 Fast. 2 Furious.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“What you don’t like action movies? Come on – Vin Diesel and Paul Walker star in this one. I know they are in your top 3.”
“And how do you know that?”
“I know things about you. Plus you told me.” He smiled goofily.
“You’re a quack,” I punched him lightly in the shoulder. “I hope you didn’t really get 2 Fast 2 Furious or I’m going to send you packing behind Brad.”
“Now would you really do that to me?” he asked then laughed. “Yes, you would. Okay okay. Lucky for me, I’m safe. I got funny movies. I figured you could use a good laugh. What do you think about Juno and Knocked Up?”
I began to laugh and couldn’t stop. I had tears running down my cheek when I stopped. Ben sat there unsure of what was going on or why I was so amused.
“What?” he finally asked when I stopped laughing long enough to respond.
“Do you notice any kind of recurring theme in those movies? One that might hit a little close to home?”
Coming Clean
“I’m sorry you had to be here for that,” I told him.
“I’m not. That guy’s a creep. I can’t believe you were ever going to marry him.”
I shrugged. “I guess I have bad judgment in men. I think it’s a requirement for women to like the bad boys. I know I always have.”
“Well, I guess I better rough up my image a little,” he said as he moved in to kiss me. I stepped back and threw my arm out.
“Whoa.”
“I’m sorry,” he said as he ran a hand through his hair. “That was too soon, huh? A little weird?”
“Yea, you could say that. Ben, how much of the conversation with Brad did you really catch?”
“Enough.”
“So you know…”
“About your addiction? Your abusive father? Yea. I heard that.”
“And you still want to be here? Why?”
“Addy, you’re a great girl. I’ve liked you for a long time now. We all have our demons – some more than others. I’m not going to cut and run just because I know a little more about yours. Wait until you find out about mine and then we’ll see who’s running.”
I laughed. He made me feel more relaxed than I had for a long time now. I felt like a car was being lifted off my shoulders. But it didn’t take long for the worry to settle back in.
“These aren’t just demons, Brad. This is me. This is who I am. I’m an alcoholic. I have been since I was 14. I have problems. More problems than just a few demons. Being beat repeatedly does that to a girl.”
“Well, if you’re any indication, it also makes her strong and beautiful and caring and smart and sweet and…and the list goes on and on. You’re a great girl, Addy. Don’t you forget that,” Ben reached up and caressed my chin. My first instinct was to pull away but his touch was so soft that my body gave in and my melted into his touch.
“I’m not. That guy’s a creep. I can’t believe you were ever going to marry him.”
I shrugged. “I guess I have bad judgment in men. I think it’s a requirement for women to like the bad boys. I know I always have.”
“Well, I guess I better rough up my image a little,” he said as he moved in to kiss me. I stepped back and threw my arm out.
“Whoa.”
“I’m sorry,” he said as he ran a hand through his hair. “That was too soon, huh? A little weird?”
“Yea, you could say that. Ben, how much of the conversation with Brad did you really catch?”
“Enough.”
“So you know…”
“About your addiction? Your abusive father? Yea. I heard that.”
“And you still want to be here? Why?”
“Addy, you’re a great girl. I’ve liked you for a long time now. We all have our demons – some more than others. I’m not going to cut and run just because I know a little more about yours. Wait until you find out about mine and then we’ll see who’s running.”
I laughed. He made me feel more relaxed than I had for a long time now. I felt like a car was being lifted off my shoulders. But it didn’t take long for the worry to settle back in.
“These aren’t just demons, Brad. This is me. This is who I am. I’m an alcoholic. I have been since I was 14. I have problems. More problems than just a few demons. Being beat repeatedly does that to a girl.”
“Well, if you’re any indication, it also makes her strong and beautiful and caring and smart and sweet and…and the list goes on and on. You’re a great girl, Addy. Don’t you forget that,” Ben reached up and caressed my chin. My first instinct was to pull away but his touch was so soft that my body gave in and my melted into his touch.
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