Landlords: Why They Suck

After four years of renting, I think I know a thing or two about landlords and what I know is that THEY SUCK! Most of the time I have had no (or very few) problems with my landlords. My first year of renting the only problem I had was when I was moving out they charged me $50 because one of my oven burners wasn't 100 percent clean. Bullshit but whatever.

My second year my landlord was certifiably insane but yet she still didn't really bother me that much. Yea when we had visitors there was no where for them to park and sometimes they got towed, but hey shit happens. I got through the year just fine.

My third year was fine too without a single problem with the landlord which is why we chose to resign at the same duplex. Shortly after we did we find out that the landlord is resigning and the rental company that owns us is trying to sell us.

This starts the endless supply of pain in the ass requests. Now you must pay your rent all together in one check (getting 3 college girls' money before the beginning of the month so you can write a check is hell). Now instead of dropping the rent check in the drop box right up the street, you now have to mail it or drive it clear across town.

It got annoying. In fact, 2 of my roommates decided they were moving (mostly because they had jobs elsewhere). We asked to be released from our lease (after paying an appropriate buyout fee specified in the lease). Despite the lease saying that we could buyout of our lease if we moved 50 miles or more for work, they refused to let us out. Cocksuckers!

Anyhow...then they try to inform us that we owe $25 more in rent each month because they made a mistake on the lease and didn't charge us for our washer/dryer. Too damn bad. You're not getting it, oh shitty landlord.

Oh wait, here's an idea. When I see you get your ass out and plow the snow from our street and driveway and sidewalks like you did for your other apartment complexes, then AND ONLY THEN will I pay the extra $25. Yeah that's what I thought...

First Snow

Why is that every year on the first snow of the year you oversleep. You are already going to be pushing it to make it to work on time and then you go out to your car and the doors are frozen shut and you have a thick layer of ice on the windshield. This was my story this morning.

I never get up early. I'm usually pushing it to make it to work on time but usually I arrive at least 5 or 10 minutes early. Not today. Today I get up at 7:20 (I have to be at work at 8); I eat breakfast and get dressed. I go out to my car at a quarter till 8 to heat it up and turn on the defroster. Oh what do you know, the door won't open. It's frozen tight.

Well, lucky for me my big, buff boyfriend is still asleep in my bed so I wake him up, make him get dressed and come out and help me (poor guy). So he comes out in the freezing cold weather and spends 30 minutes helping me get in my car and scrape my windows.

My mom's advice? You need DeIcer to unfreeze the doors. Yes, mom, I am well aware of that at this point but guess what...I don't have any and my doors are frozen shut so I can't drive and get any. Next suggestion? Okay hot water...thanks (word of advice: make sure the hot water does not hit your windows because it could cause them to crack).

Anyway so I finally get in my car, get the windows scraped and to work only 15 minutes late. Hey that isn't bad! Only to find out that hardly any one else in the office went through the trouble of coming to work. What crap! So here I am sulking that I am at work instead of at home in my jammies...

I'm a novelist

Well, it's official - I am now an accomplished novelist. Okay, so I don't know how "accomplished" I am but I did finish my NaNoWriMo novel. 50,551 words. At times it was exhilarating; at times it was exhausting; at times it way trying; at times it was triumphing - whatever it was, it's now finished.

So what is my prize you might ask? Self glorification, satisfaction and a feeling of accomplishment. I wrote a novel - a whole stinking novel. How many people can say that?

Where do I go from here? That's a question I've been asking myself. I considered self-publication through the likes of lulu.com but because I desire to be a New York Times Bestselling Author, I decided that's not for me. Instead I am going to do something crazy and totally unoriginal - I am going to query agents and publishing houses to see if they are interested in my book.

Of course I'm not quite there yet. I still have to complete vigorous editing and rewriting and more editing before my manuscript is worthy of being read by those much higher up than me.

If you have any suggestions for me on how to go about getting a book published, I could really use them so send them my way!

Thanks for standing by while I finished my novel. I know it wasn't easy.

Full Speed Ahead

I should be putting these words toward my novel but here goes anyways. Sorry for neglecting my blog but if you read my last post you should be well aware that I am in the midst of writing a novel (50,000 words in 30 days). For all you non-mathmeticians out there thats over 1500 words per day. Plus I have a full-time job that occupies most of my days. So needless, to say I am very very busy lady.

I appreciate all your support for my novel and it is going really great. I am now at 32,000 words in only 12 days which means I have 18 days to write the remaining 18,000 - I believe that's 1,000 words per day which is very manageable. Right now I am averaging about 2,000 words a day so I'm right on track.

I'm liking the direction of my novel so far. It is sort of an autobiography embellished quite a bit. The title is The Quest for the Holy Diamond and it is a story of a girl desperately trying to get her boyfriend to propose to her all the while driving him and everyone else around her crazy. Will she get the guy and the diamond she has been asking for or will she get the boot?

For all of you who are interested, below is a snippet of my novel so far. I will eventually publish it (even if I have to self-publish) and for those of you who are interested, I will tell you how to purchase it (if it ever makes it that far). For now, you can read parts on here. Hope you enjoy!

I got up later than I had planned the next morning so I hurriedly got ready. The phone rang just as I was headed out the door. I debated not answering it but since I didn’t have caller ID on my house phone it would drive me crazy wondering who was calling. I picked up on the second ring.
“Hello?”
“Good morning baby.”
It was Ryan. I was surprised to hear from he. He didn’t usually call in the mornings.
“Hey. To what do I owe this pleasure?”
“I missed you. I hated sleeping last night without you, Em.”
“I miss you too.”
“I have a surprise for you when I get back.”
“A diamond ring?”
“You know I already ordered that, baby.”
“Yeah right.”
“I did. It’s on its way from Aboo Dobi.”
“Uh huh. That’s what you said three weeks ago and it still hasn’t arrived.”
“It takes awhile to get here from Aboo Dobi. Plus they are sending it pony express.”
“Pony express? What happened to snail mail?”
“All the snails are extinct in Aboo Dobi. They use ponies.”
“Well, when did you order it?”
“A few weeks ago.”
“I would think the pony would be here by now.”
“Well, it would have been but they ran into a problem.” “A problem? What problem?”
“The pony fell and broke his leg.” “So tell them to call another pony.”
“I did but they said it was their last pony.” “Their last pony? That’s not even possible.” “I know, that’s what I said. I told them I needed that ring right away and asked if there was anything I could do to get it here faster.”
“And what’d they say?” “They said there was one thing I could do.”
“So do it. I need that ring, Ryan. I need that ring right now and I won’t take no for an answer! What did they tell you to do.”
“They had to put it on a camel to send it the rest of the way.”
“Really. A camel? Do they even have camels in Aboo Dobi? What is it a desert or something?” “They have tons of camels. In fact, they are camel farmers there.”
“Well, I hope they gave you a discount and it was one of those speedy camels because we’re on a deadline here. We’re getting married in 10 months.”
“Oh it’ll be here. The camel is trotting along just as fast as a camel can possibly move which if you ask me isn’t that much faster than a snail and a snail probably would have been cheaper than a camel. Yes, a snail would have definitely been cheaper. I’m going to go with snail mail.”
“Sure, honey. Thanks. Sorry to run but I am supposed to be meeting Tessa in 10 minutes and I’m going to be late. Thanks for calling. I love you.”
“Love you too. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I had to admit it was a creative story. It very creatively pissed me off. Ryan and me had been dating for over two years. Much longer that Tessa had been dating Johnny – in fact it was one year and nine months longer than Tessa had been dating Johnny. Yet I felt like Ryan wasn’t any closer to popping the question that he was when we first started dating. Not that I was surprised really. Ryan didn’t get around to anything in a timely manner. At this pace, I would probably be engaged by my 50th birthday. Of course then it would be another 15 years before I got Ryan down the aisle.

To be continued...

I may be crazy but...

It's a possibility that I am certifiably insane. I am about to embark on one of the craziest adventures of my life. I am going to attempt to write a novel in a month. I have entered National Novel Writing Month. National Novel Writing Month, aka nanowrimo, is a charge to write 50,000 words during the month of November.

I've always said I want to be an author and I'm going to write a book. When I was 12, I hand wrote a 196 page book (yes I had big handwriting), but since then I have been upcapable of writing an entire novel.

I began one last summer and made it to 15,000 words but couldn't decide on an ending for the novel so the unfinished manuscript still sits on my computer hard drive waiting to see how it will end. This really disappoints all of my friends who I had let read the early manuscript and I have left hanging on who the murderer is going to be.

My downfall was letting people read it before I was finished. They could give me feedback and ideas and it really messed up the flow of my book and stunted my creativity. I’m not going to make that same mistake twice. No one – and I do mean no one will read my book or know what is going to happen until Nov. 30 at midnight when I write my 50,000th word (or more if I am feeling really creative next month).

I am going to try not to even talk about the storyline more than I have already. My book is entitled “The Quest for the Holy Diamond” and is sort of the story of my life and my desire to get engaged to my boyfriend. It’s not entirely autobiographical though. It is only based loosely on my story. The characters are not me and my boyfriend – despite how interesting we think we are, I doubt anyone else would enjoy reading about our love for watching movies.

I am excited; I am nervous; I am anxious to begin this journey. I have high hopes that my novel will be a bestseller but whether I sell 0 copies or a million copies I am going to be a success because I am going to write a novel in a month.

In the meantime, I’m going to be incredibly caffeinated and bitchy! Sorry for that.

Fist What

We've all been there, when the other person holds up their fish towards you begging for the meeting of the fists, the hippest new high five, hand shake. But here's the question, what is this meeting of the fists called?

I call it a fist knocker. One fist knocks the other one to say hey, how are you or cool idea or way to go. Whatever you're trying to say, the fist knocker conveys it.

Yet the other day I heard a guy call it a fist ease (not sure how ease would be spelled so I'll do my best). I'd never heard it referred to this way so it made me question myself or maybe him.

On a t.v. commercial, another man called it a knuckle bump. "Hey, man, knuckle bump!"

So many names, one fist to fist greeting. So what's the proper slang? Tell me what you call it? I'd hate to use not so cool language with such a cool gesture.

Fist knocker, fist ease, knucker knocker, something else entirely? Give it to me straight!

The Long Goodbye

He looks so cold and still
Silent as the night
Just by looking at him
I can tell something isn’t right

Is he going to tell me goodbye
Will he say he’ll miss me
Or will he keep on staring
Like he doesn’t even see

It’s time for him to say something
I’d be happy with just a smile
To let me know everything’s okay
If only for a little while

But there is nothing
Silence is all I hear
I stand there shaking
Down comes another tear

He isn’t going to smile
He isn’t going to talk
We’ll never even get to
Take another walk

He didn’t leave a note
He didn’t tell us why
He didn’t even take the time
To tell us all goodbye

It’s too late to take it back
The decision has been made
It won’t be much longer
Before all our memories fade

They say it’s almost time
Take just one last glance
If you want to say goodbye
This is your last chance

The casket is closing now
It’s headed in the ground
Still you do not move
Silence is the only sound

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride

Another wedding, another supporting role, another time I didn’t get the starring role. I am serving as bridesmaid extraordinaire once again for another friend’s wedding, this time my sisters. This is my third experience as a bridesmaid – twice for sisters, once for my best friend; and to tell you the truth, it’s exhausting.

Couples shower, bridal shower, bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner, pre-wedding prep and finally the big moment. The only release is the reception where you can finally get lit and run around three sheets to the wind.

Of course, even the reception isn’t all fun and games because you have to prepare for the big toast. For me, the big toast is even more exhausting because I am a journalism graduate, a former newspaper reporter and a novelist hopeful, so friends and family expect more from me than the typical toast.

My first experience as a bridesmaid I didn’t have to give a toast. My second time I did and delivered successfully with great love and live quotes that no one was familiar with weaved intricately into a speech about how much my friend meant to me. Unfortunately I can’t reuse though since half of the guests at this wedding were also at the last wedding I gave the toast at (joys of living in a small town).

I decided this time, since the bride was my sister, I had to step it up a notch and deliver a truly memorable toast unlike the typical bridesmaid/maid-of-honor toast. I crafted a special poem about growing up together and my sister and her fiancé meeting specialized just for them with rhyming couplets. I think mission accomplished but I guess I’ll let the crowd be the judge of that. Will I get monstrous applause or eardrum-shattering silence? Let’s the hope not the latter.

Furthermore, I hate being stared at. It’s horrifying for me. I get insanely embarrassed, my face turns bright red and I get fidgety. So why not stand in front of 200 people for an hour? Perfect. Last time I was in a wedding, I stumbled on the bottom of my dress going up the stairs, then had to step down in order to get up on the stair. All while trying to be graceful and elegant. Ha!

The big moment is only two days away. Wish me luck and keep your fingers crossed that I make it down the aisle without a hitch and deliver a flawless and moving toast! Score two for the bridesmaid!

Oh and Thad, if you’re reading, yes another wedding! You know what that means...

Quitting: it's easier said than done

We’ve all heard the phrase that’s easier said than done, but I have found an exception to this well-known saying. That exception is quitting. It’s certainly not easier said than done. In fact, it’s very hard to say and really mean it.

I believe “I quit” has to be two of the hardest words to say in the English language. But why are those two little words so hard? To quit is defined as “to stop, cease or discontinue.”

But the more commonly accepted definition of quitting is to accept defeat; stop trying; and admit that you are a failure. Something all of us have a hard time accepting. No one wants to admit they’ve been defeated and there is something or someone better than them – that they are simply put, a failure.

I don’t see quitting as synonymous with failure though. I see it as the normal succession of life. As one stage of our life ends, another begins. When I was in eighth grade, I “quit” track to focus on softball. I “quit” a waitressing job to get experience in my future career. These were all normal progressions in life. We can’t do everything as much as we’d life to.

Regardless, when I quit track, I felt like a failure. I wasn’t fast enough. I couldn’t jump high enough. I couldn’t throw the shot put far enough. When I quit waitressing, I couldn’t handle the pressure. I wasn’t friendly enough. I wasn’t organized enough.

When I quit writing in my blog, I didn’t say anything. I just did it. In fact, I didn’t even really think about it. I would run into a few people here and there who would ask me why I hadn’t posted and I’d respond by saying I was too busy. Because isn’t that always our excuse? Too busy to hit the gym. Too busy to read that book. Too busy to call an old friend. But the truth of the matter is I’m not too busy. Too lazy, maybe; but not too busy.

So, my old blog friends, I think it’s time that I quit quitting and start blogging. Because they say Quitters never prosper and I do love a little prosperity!

Second Chances and Other Random Musings

So it's been awhile. I almost forgot about this whole blog thing that used to suck me in and almost didn't spit me out. It was this blog that consumed my whole summer just a year ago. And now..it's nothing but a distant memory. A distant memory which I am about to bring back to life.

I consider myself a writer and as a writer sometimes you just can't write. They have a name for it - writer's block - but that's not the name I refer to it as. I refer to it as life block. It's when life hasn't thrown you enough lemons to make lemonade. Life hadn't thrown me enough words to write a blog entry. But now it has.

My life has been a series of changes in 2006. I went down to part-time student status and only took 4 hours while I worked almost full-time at an internship. It was both rewarding and challenging and the best part of all is that it's over.

It's over because I am now a college graduate. I have my degree (well, figurately not literally - I'm still waiting on that to be mailed to me but the point is I've completed the requirements). I graduated with my bachelors in journalism from one of the finest journalism schools in the world. Yes, I am one smart cookie.

It was a stressful semester as I searched for a job that would both challenge and reward me. It took many resumes and cover letters but only two interviews and I landed the job of my dreams - well almost. So it's not the job of my dreams - I'm not a famous author or a screen play writer or a soap writer but hey it's paying the bills (well I might add) and I am able to live in the town I love and in the career I enjoy (public relations). Yep, my life is pretty good right now.

On top of that, I am in love. Head over heels in love. None other than to the man that I wrote amazing things about when I first began this blog. The same man who later broke my heart but eventually came back to me with more love than I could ever imagine.

I've never had a relationship that consisted of such perfectness. No fighting, no disagreements, do dissatisfaction. Just pure joy. Pure happiness. The best part of my day is always the part where I come home, lay down next to my man, and spend the night cuddling. Nothing could be more perfect.

So, as you can tell, life has thrown me lemons and I am overflowing in lemonade. Let's just hope my cup doesn't runneth over!

Email not always a good thing!

Note to self and all others:

Double-check the To address when sending emails. I just sent out a super humiliating email to a fellow colleague. After asking about job opportunities for my boyfriend, I attempted to forward the email on to my boyfriend.

With lots of xoxo and one sexual reference (light the flame of desire…at least a couple times), I sent the email off with a big love you at the end. End of email.

Oh but no, not the end of email. One hour later I see an email from the same lady who I had inquired to about jobs. It reads:

I don’t think that this email was intended for me. J Thanks.
Yes, same email with flames of desire. Pretty sure my face is still red. Very humiliating!!

Wow, time flies!

It's been over a month since my last post - the longest I've ever gone in between posts. Sorry for the extended absence. I'm working way too much, playing too hard and in a startling development - dating my ex-boyfriend again. No, I'm not stupid and things are good.

I'm looking for a job. Who knew finding a job was a full-time job in itself? Certainly not me. Too bad someone doesn't just hand me one - wouldn't that make things easy? Instead I search and search and so far to no avail.

Other news...well, not much. Looking forward to Olympic figure skating. Go Sasha! I'll try not to let so much time elapse before I post again. Good night everyone!