Everything is Harder Than It Looks

Mood right now: I just wanna cry

I want to be a writer but not just any old writer - I want to be an author. I want to be an author and I'm sick of just saying that and saying eventually I want to be an author. Eventually might not ever come unless I buckle down right now and try hard to make "eventually" right now. I have composed my first completed novel. I finished it in November - November 30 to be exact. Where is it now? Sitting at home on a jump drive waiting to be edited.

Today I decided that it was time that I jump in head first and pursue my lifelong dream of being an author. It's time to dust off that old memory stick, put it in my computer and start editing. Today I also started researching possible agents to query on my novel. This is the most intimidating thing to me for some reason. I have become a regular reader of misssnark.blogspot.com where an agent answers aspiring author's questions and discusses issues she regularly sees with query letters, manuscript and people. I often find myself falling into the trap she warns her young snarklings against. This terrifies me. Furthermore, today while researching one of the agents I'm considering querying I ran upon her blog. As I read one of her entries, she said there is nothing she hates more than a fiction author who claims that the manuscript is her true story. One line in my already penned query letter says: I AM my nagging, scheming main character. Oops. Already received a no from her without even submitting it unless I revise my query letter (which obviously I will).

Don't get me wrong - I am not going to give up on pursuing my dream of becoming an author. It's always been my dream and until I die I don't plan on giving up on that. I want to be an author. I will be an author. The process is just going to be a lot harder than I ever imagined. I'm not lucky enough to be one of those regular people who has an agent or editor or publishing house just wander onto her blog and fall in love with her flair for writing and insist on signing this blogger to a book deal here and now (yes this really does happen and I know a person it did happen to). Unfortunately that person wasn't me and it's never going to be.

In order to make this particular dream come true, I'm going to have to work hard and I'm going to have to become hardened. I've never taken criticism well and I don't expect this to be any different. If I query 50 agents and they all turn me down, I am going to cry. I am going to be devastated. I am going to want to give up. But I can't. I know that I can't. And I refuse to let myself. I just have to continue to pursue my dream. Sometimes pursuing your dreams can be a tough road to haul!