I am from a small town. Now I hear people say this all the time and then they're like, "Yea I only graduated with 100 people." WHAT? 100? Shit, that's huge. No, when I say small I do mean small. I graduated with 17 people. Yea, you heard it right 17. And that was big since we started kindergarten with only 12. I go to a large university now with over 25,000 students. When people ask where I'm from, they have no idea where my town is or that it even exists. When I tell them it's small, they have no idea just how small I mean. To make sure they get the full effect of just how small my town is I tell them 200 but only if you count the dogs too. They laugh. They don't realize that I'm serious.
When you live in a small town, not a lot happens. That's why when something big comes to town, it's not big, it's huge. Gigantic. That brings us to the county fair. The highlight of the summer where I'm from. This is an annual event that takes place every August in our county seat. We love it. We wouldn't miss it. We plan our vacations around the week. A week when the world stops spinning because "Oh my god the county fair's in town!'
But what's so great about the county fair? It kicks off every year with the annual queen pageant. Now, I love the queen pageant. I haven't missed one for as long as I can remember. Whoever wins the queen pageant reigns over the fair for the rest of the week. Now this lady has some pretty large responsibilities. First of all, she has to hand out ribbons for the cattle show. She has to take pictures with the little kids in the pedal powered tractor pull and if she's really lucky, she sings the national anthem before the demolition derby. Wow, look over there, it's the fair queen. Can we get your autograph?
We can't truly talk about a county fair until we talk about the carnival. Spinning rides, ticket booths, cotton candy stands, and most importantly – carnies. We all know to steer clear of the carnies. I have never heard a person brag about hooking up with or hanging out with a carnie. Why? Because they are gross. I swear it must be a requirement to missing teeth before you can become a carnie. At the job interview: Man #1 – Can you please smile for me? Man #2 smiles. Man #1 – Oh I'm sorry you have a mouthful of teeth. NEXT.
If it isn't bad enough that you have to look at these carnies, they think that they need to hit on you as well. "Step right this way pretty lady. I need to get you a teddy bear." No, thanks. I don't know where those teddy bears have been. One of my worst carnival experiences was riding the Gravitron. Now this is a ride where you lay against a seat and it spins around as the gravity moves you back and forth. Okay so I am laying against the seat, a little scared of this ride anyways when the carnie proceeds to tell me (now bear in mind that this is a ONE-ARMED carnie) – He tells me not to hold on to the seats or you might just lose an arm. AHHHHHHHHHHH. Can I get off please??????????
Last year I had a horrible time the first night at the fair. I was bored out of my mind. Did I go back? Of course. I went back every night. The fair was in town. Anyone who was anyone was going to be there. Why is it that we feel it necessary to make a huge deal out of an event that isn't really that fun after the age of 10? What is it about a county fair that makes it so great that we can't seem to stay away?
9 comments:
LMAO! I now live in a small (but we'll say medium compared to yours) town and you arent anybody if you dont go to the fair.
For as much as I love Gravitron - I always had a fear that my hair would get caught in between the "seats" as they slid up and I'd end up bent over trying to free myself before a carnie came by and tried to "assist" me.
There fair was a always a big deal to us too, throughout a series of small towns.
Of course carnies are icky. But a couple of years ago, I had to find out for myself. It's funny you mention it because I just wrote about it a coule of days ago. You should check it out. 7/10/05 "Carnival Folk"
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'm feeling much better today!
WWE? Wow, you are lucky. The pageant queen is our biggest celebrity. Oh yea and maybe a county commissioner (too bad he's my neighbor and I don't consider him a celebrity)
The town I grew up in was little bigger but we had the fair scene too. Our favorite was to what the Junior Miss and Miss Pageants. Girls that were told they could sing and dance and look good in a formal dress on stage looking like fools. We'd watch it from home and laugh.
No not Cuba. The biggest band that plays at our fair is the Kendrick Sisters or a church choir. Yearah! I love watching the girls who think they are awesome and you really feel like there's needles going into your ears as they sing. How come they always win? Oh that's right because the other girls are fat AND talentless
I always thought that I lived in a fairly small town, I graduated with 400 though, I guess not as small as I thought.
As for the fair, we had one in our town. It wasn't really a fair though. It had a ferris wheel, and a couple of kiddy rides and some games. Mostly just really good food and a street dance.
I hate small towns.
I avoid my home town as much as possible.
Five days I'm returning for my little brothers wedding.
I plan to be drunk or moderately sudated the entire week I'm there.
I am headed home this weekend for a friend's bachelorette party. We will be hitting every podunk bar on the way home. I made a checklist of things to make her do. Read my latest entry. :)
carnies scare me. One reason i avoid fairs. and HBO Carnival didn't help.
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